Sleep With One Eye Open

I've had high blood pressure since I was 17. No one is sure why. I was fit and healthy otherwise, go figure.

Today was my annual physical. We had a long talk about my risk factors, lab tests, and all that other mumbo-jumbo. I find it acutely humbling to sit in a 4x6' exam room talking about these things, waiting for the obligatory lecture about diet and exercise.

However, there's reason for joy and celebration: Today was my first prostate check! WOOOOOOOOOT!! What a freakin' slice of juicy fresh heaven that was! If I didn't know better, I'd expect to meet my doctor going back to prison after work release. Well, I'm her bee-ahtch now, oh boy!

Doc changed my hypertension meds again because my pressure was 150/100. Given my erratic and inexplicable history, it's like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, though.

I also got religion about my lipids. I won't bore you, but Doc says when they were doing my blood work they noticed fat cells shaped suspiciously like a certain set of "Golden Arches" floating by. Not good. I shall learn to like oat meal and Cheerios. Alot. And I shall shun tastiness. Who needs comfort foods anyway? Yeah, I'll be like a one-man parade of prandial purity (sorry, didn't mean to spit).

Who am I kidding?