Wicked Twisted Priorities

Great. They're killing Terri, but a gator guy went on CNN this morning to reassure everyone that the gator caught yesterday will be fine. I'll bet they'll feed the gator, too.

I hope judge Greer lives to regret murdering Terri.

Snuggling with Brett Favre...(!)

Next week is spring break for the kids, so we're gonna spend the week in Green Bay visiting Mom and Sis. Mom bought a night at the Tundra Lodge for us, and I may buy another. Tundra is a huge new waterpark/hotel. Maximum fun, total bliss factory!

Other than that, we'll prolly play and eat at Lambeau Field, and goof off at the mall. It will be a GREAT week.

Brett and Howdy are getting along very well. Howdy tolerates frequent "attacks" by Brett, always taking the submissive role. Can't figure that cat out -- he's three time's Brett's weight, but such a softy.

I find I have to close my door around 3am, though, because that's when Brett gets active.

This morning I started my coffee and snuck back to bed, at which point Brett had a major snuggle attack and had to curl up on my chest with his little nose about a millimeter from mine. I have dog breath in the morning, I'm surprised it didn't knock him out!

HAH!

Did you hear the U.N.'s latest brilliant idea? Did you?! Now they want to tax the U.S. use of the internet to fund access to the third world. I''m not kidding.

Perfect! Let's ruin electronic commerce so that Somali's can surf porn on the net. And what better vessel than the U.N., that most venerable, unbesmerched All-Being that brought us the oil for food scandal! Sign me the frick up for that!!

Under My Skin

Brett (my new cat) is a real charmer. Definitely a lap cat and a cuddler. I love him to death, but MAN are his claws sharp!

He's a doctor too, apparently, because he ordered and performed a blood test on my left arm at 5am today. He was all cuddled in, and I turned over to zap the snooze, and "POKE", in went one of his weapons into my arm. I had to physically remove the claw.

There's that pain/pleasure connection again, I guess!

Howdy (my other cat) is doing better. They were both actually on my bed at the same time last night.

The girls are understandably in love with Brett, too. It's so nice to see them happy and excited.

Attitude

Got a new kitty today. Name's Brett. Only 8 month's old. My other cat, Howdy, is 2 years old. Both males... so who do you think is dominating so far? That would be Brett.

He's all black, including his whiskers and nose. He was abandoned by his former owner on the coldest winter day in Wisconsin. Owner's gonna go to court. Hope they never let her have another animal!

We went to Walmart and spent a small fortune on toys. It was worth it. What a cute and beautiful creature!

The kids are thrilled.

Howdy, however, is not. He adjusted well to Minerva, but has been growling and hissing at Brett. And Brett has been taunting Howdy, the older brother.

Will be interesting to see how this works out... I'll keep you posted.

Angry Propellers

...Oh, I mean: Mad Props!

Some people who have excellent taste and morals have shown some appreciation for my stance on blog-blights like the one who attaked a friend of mine. Please know that I love you all, and that there are ways to really fuck up people who post hate on blogs. See Dooce for a great example.

I told the girls about Minerva today. 97, bless her heart and soul, cried. 94 was unphased, but concerned. Seeing her little sister in pain, 94 painted a picture in snow with her finger on the trunk of my Merc, of Minerva in Heaven as an "Astronaut Kitty" climbing the universe's biggest scratching post and looking down with peace on us. "She'll never feel any more pain, Emma!", she exclaimed. Dear Jesus, what have I done to deserve these moments of true love? Nothing. But I am so thankful.

We got 7,949 FEET of snow today, so the trip to Wausau to pick up the kids was a real treat. When I say "treat", I mean "root canal".

Please keep reading. I've got a whole brain full of this stuff.

Promise, Not Threat

Girls (yes, you, 94 and 97!), you're room is a mess. I'm not cleaning it. I'll help with whatever you want, but I'm not going to do it for you.

If it doesn't get done this weekend I will begin describing the exact content of the mess here on Macho Poodle. Oh yes I will.

Much love,
-Dad

So far all my first round picks in NCAA basketball won! Hope the streak continues.

This weekend, the girls and I will go kitty shopping. That is, unless we get the 30 feet of snow they're predicting, in which case we'll cruise the net together at the various shelters. I have my heart set on a black male kitty. His name will be Brett. He will be my squishy.

Two words for you: Prozac rules.

Ordered NFS Underground from eBay yesterday. $10 including shipping. I've got the demo version and it rules. Can't wait to get it.

I can't watch Alias anymore. It's too stupid. Sorry Jennifer, but your breasts just aren't worth it. Must be the Prozac.

Breaking news: Men are different from Women! Know why? It's the Y chromosome.

I need wine.

Bring it

Sorry to preach to you all, but this is a sad day.

A blog has died today because of some wrech. Of course I won't mention the blog's owner because we're all just one step from making the horrifying decision to remove our blogs.

Horrifying? You fucking bet! What a loss. Whomever you are, you should be locked up. This is as much an assault as hitting someone from behind with a sucker punch. You're an insecure, over-compensating, pox on humanity.

Should ANYONE decide to invade my life in this way, I will use my superpowers as an influential information systems geek to ruin you. I will spare no money or time.

Be warned.

Stupid Office Tricks

What compells certain individuals to CUT THEIR FINGERNAILS at work?! With their office doors open! Maybe I'm just weird that way, but what other personal hygiene do you perform in your office with the door open? Hmmm... none I can think of.

-Snip-

-SNIP-

- S N I P -

I mean, do they pee in a corner? Where does the nail shrapnel land? Hell, why not do the tonails while you're at it! Then you can give yourself a sponge bath and brush your teeth in there; we'd all love to be subjected to that!!

Bo Bice will win American Idol.

Illinois will win the NCAA basketball championship.

Gunslingers

Brett Favre will be back for at least another season! Woooooooooooot!
This weather is pissing me off. 3 inches of snow Monday, and another inch or so today. I am so sick of clearing snow off my car and doing the penguin walk I could just poop. I've got one word for you:

SPRING

What is it with shooting judges lately? Sheeesh, that's really poor aim; they're missing the lawyers.

Memorial

Tonight I said farewell to a best friend. She was a confidant, a teacher, and an inspiration. Her contributions to my life were immeasurable. My love of her transcends our time together. The world has lost a wonderful creation, but God has gained a gentle, selfless soul.

I'll never forget you climbing up and rubbing my chin. I'll always remember how, even though you were 7 years old, you acted like a kitten. The quiet magic you exuded touched me in a dead place in my heart. I can't wait to see you again, if I am so blessed, in heaven.

I will always love you Minerva.

Painted Daddy

Girls. Makeup. Man. A deadly combination.

I was gang-painted by my children tonight. My God it's aweful. Of course, because it's aweful the girls love it.

I just sat there taking it.

I'm either the world's biggest wimp, or a Saint. Only God knows.

(wimper)

Less of Me

Saw the doc today. Lost 14 pounds in 5 weeks. She was impressed. I was relieved.

BP still too high, adding another med. Great. Could swell my legs up and make me not poop. Super.

Just in case you want to follow along, here's my diet:

BREAKFAST - Fruit and Oatmeal
LUNCH - Maybe some more fruit and oatmeal, maybe a Subway 6-inch sub
SUPPER - Grilled chicken breast and veggies, adult beverage(s)

Pretty disciplined, I know, but this is my losing weight phase, I can afford more calories once I'm at my goal.

MY EYEEEES!!!

For the last four months I've been trying to grow my hair out. Saturday morning I got fed up with the hassle, so I shaved it down to 3/8ths of an inch. Nirvana. I have attained the 7th shakra of follicular enlightenment. Wow. Yeah.

However, we had just gotten done watching Spongebob the Movie, so the girls kept reinacting a scene from the movie where the king takes off his crown and those around him start writhing in pain from the great glare of his baldness. "BALD, BALD!!!! OH MY EYEEEEEEEES!!!", and the like. They can be so cute... I think.

Sunday afternoon it was 45 degrees out and sunny, so the girls and I took a walk. What's that? It involves going outside and ambulating by foot for about 20 minutes. 45 sunny degrees felt like the middle of summer! And the walk, in addition to being healthy, was invigorating. Did you know that there are other buildings in Marshfield besides my apartment and my office building? It's true. They're all over the freaking place!!

Mr. Healthy here has been pretty good with his diet. Okay, can't stand third person. Anyway, I've been eating more veggies and fruits (cucumbers and clementines are my current favs), and very little red meat or fatty stuff. I'm already starting to see results. Wow, I think I may actually have a jaw. And my energy level is a bit better.

Evil Jelly Beans

Last Thursday I was innocently chewing on a few jelly beans when CRACK!! Felt like I had tried to chew a diamond. "What the hell is in these jelly beans?!", I thought. My three workmates, with whom I was meeting at the time, heard the crack. Turns out the only odd thing in the candy was the back of one of my molars. It had cracked off, exposing the filling and not much else. The filling is sharp.

Thought I could get by with the tooth as is. Didn't hurt, so I thought, "what the heck". Then, on Saturday the gum tissue around the broken molar got curious and started moving over and rubbing on the sharp filling. Ouch!, they said. Of course, my gums had no exit strategy, so they were trapped there, getting cut every time I chewed, yawned, swallowed, or talked.

So, today I decided that drastic measures were called for. I went to the dentist. The dentist scolded the gum tissue, but to no avail. This was going to be painful. Two doses of Novacaine later (injected using one of those kid doctor syringes), there went the dentist, drilling down into my toes. He put on a temporary filling that looks like a piece of chewing gum. "That's only temporary", says the dentist. NO SHIT, ya think?!, I thought. All I said is "uh huh".

"You'll need a root canal and crown on that tooth", gushed the dentist. It's all a friggin' conspiracy. They drill most of your tooth away when they fill it, then 30 years later it breaks and you have to take out a loan to go through hell. Isn't that a Homeland Security violation of some sort?

Feel the Love

Tonight's bedtime ritual:

97: "Love you, Dad!"

94: "Love you, Dad!"

Me: "Love you Emma, Love you Valerie!"

97: "Love you, red pillow!"

94: "What the..."

Me: "She loves her red pillow. I love you too, red pillow!"

94: "Oh, okay, whatever, you pillow people."

Me: "Love you guys, goodnight!"

Fiction would not be that cute.