Some notes from a particularly useless "get-together" (NOT A MEETING AT MARSHFIELD CLINIC ON AUGUST 30, 2006):
*****
W, 8/30/06, PSWG, Noon
1215: My Boss (DJ), "note"-taker, not here. Schedule says HDM, but he's in his "room". Didn't notify anyone he'd miss the "party" he was supposed to "take notes" at. Nice example! UPDATE: Still in his "room" after the "party", gave me stupid grin.
Spent entire time arguing about PD: Blaming, deflecting, accusing, badgering, attacking, ridiculing, hogging credit, and blaming customers for OUR problems.
*****
It's nice to love your job (so I've heard).
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
My New Friend PIP
By the way, I post mostly from "the library" and cleanup later from home. This is particularly gratifying because the blundering dunderheads actually think they've successfully prevented people from blogging by not allowing their browsers to connect to blogger.com. The nincompoops (SP?) fail entirely to realize that we can just email our posts in using the miracle of the Blogger Email Post. In fact, I try to make my entries especially long sometimes just to hammer the point home.
But that's not why you called. So let's quit talking about me and... here... and get back the happenin-est friend-topic for young and old alike: Me and... Here!!
Apparently I am about to be introduced to PIP. PIP stands for Profoundly Important Paper (or something) and is rumored to comprise a plan on when and how I should kiss the slave master's ass in order to avoid "consequences". I'm not sure what "consequences", but I'm pretty sure emancipation is not in the offing since I've all but committed homicide... here... and have yet to be freed.
I'm sure that PIP and I will become fast friends. In fact I already have a warm feeling for PIP; warm like the tip of a lit Bic. Can you safely cram burning PIP into someone's nether-crevice? The world may never know. OR WILL THEY?!?! <cue scary organ music>
Oh, my new hero Campbell took the vows this weekend. I had to hear that from his co-inker at Human Canvas. Seems he missed work Monday and Tuesday, too. I think I'll bring him some "personal renewal ointment" tonight for a present. Or a loaded shotgun. Both would solve particular problems. But I kid.
X is witholding the kids from me again. She's so nice. Why did I ever divorce her sweet, caring, totally not-malicious self? Must have been crazy. Oh well. Sending her $1K every two weeks helps with the hideous guilt and regret. Maybe Campbell and I could share the shotgun... (Um, kidding again, hee hee).
Hope to upload some awesome sunset pics later when I get home from... here. Tres magnific!
Found a shop that sells used police interceptors. They have one from Menasha PD! I want it!! Check them out a http://www.usedcopcars.com.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Tat's a Rap!
A quick shout out to my new favorite graphic artist, Campbell. Awesome job on my tat, bro. Kinda spooky, though, 'cause it's like you're in my MIND. Spooky for YOU, that is!! BWA HAH HAH HAHHHH!!!!
Friday, August 18, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Here's Teken's Icon
Yes and here is Teken's basic icon. When you see this very macho poodle, you know fun and wacky hijinks are just around the corner! He's just "Teken care of business!".
Okay, that was way over the top and I am sorry, but the kids and I did brainstorm this icon of MP. Subject to evolution of course, but a good start, don't you think?
Checking In
Tasty, nutritious bullets of existence:
- Been accused, found guilty and punished for "harassment" at work
- Caught up on my laundry
- Told my team leader I'm looking
- Vented monumentally to EAP about work crap
- Commissioned a tatto (titter)
- Bought a huge thing, I'm obsessed
- Lived a whole bunch of days without running out of money, but only barely
- Got my new checks from MMCCU
- Wrote this blog entry
- Pooped some
- Stopped Rezorem, started Lunesta -- ??
- Ate some
- Cruised randomly some -- joy
- Pooped a little bit more
- Accidentally swallowed tin foil
- Discovered a bit about the nature of friendship
- Invented equation: Inner resonance (R) = [good deeds + nobody watching]
- Created the "self-assessment continuum" concept, squarely placing myself in the middle somewhere
- Pet the cat
- Tried to poop but only farted -- awww, man!!
- Reflected on the diametric profundity of stuff...
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
40 things
Yes, the email headers are annoying, but what price posterity?!
------Forward Message------
From: Wolfe, Jason
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 11:45:58 AM
To: bastianm, blackcj, boudreal, boudreat, clevelcc, demeratd, dukesr, glinskir, knechta, shavep, vechinsj, verhagel, zahnj
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things
Too funny......
I could really use some of these, and I think I will these next 2 weeks!
Wolfie
------Forward Message------
From: Wolfe, Melissa
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 10:14:49 AM
To: bowes, churchsk, crlniemi@hotmail.com, janice.gleisner@roehl.net, kristinar@gsiwc.org, langml, mccaulek, olivarre, truhlarj, wolfej
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things
To funny
------Forward Message------
From: Verkilen, Amanda
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 09:29:07 AM
To: cablej, churchsk, haukek, rineb, smithjv, suefeltz@northlandstainless.com, tfeltz@abprocess.com, wolfemj
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things
------Original Message------
From: "Laurie Jarvenpaa" <LJarvenpaa@1strate.com>
Date: Tue Aug 08, 2006 -- 06:43:55 PM
To: "1st Rate Oshkosh Loan Officers" <OshkoshLoanOfficers@1strate.local>, "Lisa Hoffmann" <LHoffmann@1strate.com>, <verkilen.amanda@marshfieldclinic.org>, <JARVEY61@aol.com>, <stream_8@hotmail.com>, <nursejen05@hotmail.com>, <wenderfamily@earthlink.net>, <drschuh@charter.net>, <dawn.schuh@cobalt-corp.com>, <jschuh@uwsp.edu>, "KJ Kreis " <kjkreis@charter.net>, <LDeffner@schuettemetals.com>, <mkoenig@bankfirstnational.com>, <scottydbennett@bellsouth.net>
Subject: FW: 40 things
40 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK:
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're
saying.
10. Ahhhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
of
view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ....?
24. Do I look like a f*cking people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh I get it ... like humor ... but different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door ..1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume.....Must you really marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder .... my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute --- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
F I U R R R R R R R R R R D A H ! ! !
Honestly, I think I'd have to kill someone to get canned. But whom?
Nah, then they'd have cause and I wouldn't be able to collect unemployment. Crap, even if I could I'd be in prison, sleeping next to Tiny with one eye closed.
Just had a triple espresso from Starbucks. Hope it keeps me --SNOOOORRRRE--...
Cripes! It hurts your neck to bob your head to sleep and then suddenly wake up. Know what I mean?
NHA job in Rib Lake with a subsidiary of Beverly. I applied. Wish me luck.
Put Dad's desk together last night up in the bedroom 'foryer'. Looks nice. Good to have it back, and to have the garage cleared out. Except that, even though I wore a bandanna over my nose and mouth, the black garage dirt still got up my nose. How do I know? Dirty tissues. Plus it tastes horrible... kidding.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Raeqwon
That's a name I learned this weekend, and needed to spell it out to help cement it in my brain.
On Saturday evening I was putzing around with my new umbrella beach chair in the driveway. Once assembled, I sat there thinking I would read Popular Mechanic, but was immediately distracted by a coupla playful neighborhood kids. Before you know it, 94 and 97 were outside and our cosey little cul-du-sac became a playground. What fun!!
Alas, the blue foam boom-a-rang thing got stuck in a tree. An adult neighbor came by to check on the joyful noise and helped get it down with a basketball. Turns out he's the dad of one of the cute kids, Raeqwon. Nice folks. How do I know? Cause I spent a good part of the rest of the night helping them with their computer issues.
I can't tell you how thrilled I was/am to get out an get to know neighbors. Man, Gabe makes the best fresh lemonade, and his three kids are absolutely adorable. His wife is starting to do medical billing from home, and I'm gonna help her learn the comfuzer.
Put up a coupla Packer "G"s, a neat lighthouse, and a smiley face sculpture outside my place to make it look more homey. Hmmmm, nice!
A good weekend!
Friday, August 04, 2006
Irony Board
I find myself awash in irony.
I am late on rent and other bills, but have many thousands of dollars. To get at these dollars I have to get rid of my job. I hate my job, so getting rid of it would be a blessing. I haven't found a new one yet. I can't quit my job because I don't have an adequate "go to hell" fund. If I was fired I could collect unemployment and that would be groovy. They won't fire me because they're... well... incompetant and lazy. Which is why I hate my job.
See the irony here, people?!
This has just got to be worth a good laugh when I'm through it.
Right?
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Rules
Short rant about rules:
1. Rules are abstractions. They don't allow for learning directly about cause and effect. Therefore they're only good in extreme situations. Of course you're going to have a rule that says "No smoking in the gasoline storage shed". You don't want anyone finding out why the hard way. But, rules that, when broken, do not cause loss of life or limb, are stupid. The further from harm you get, in fact, the more ridiculous rules become.
2. Rules are really tricky. You have to write them very thoroughly. "No smoking" doesn't say "No lighting fire crackers", right? If you wrote down every single thing that would cause an explosion, nobody would read the rules. If you simply state "avoid ignition", some people may not understand. In fact, they'll probably light up a smoke to think about it...
3. Teach people, and let them make mistakes. That's how we learn. Consequences.
Just keep the rules reasonable, folks. Otherwise they're meaningless. Read a legal disclaimer after a car commercial some time and you'll see.
Kindergarten
Whew, I'm really glad I didn't post the rant I had all written out yesterday. That would have been a mistake. Rage sucks. Left over brainstem stuff, I know, but man it sucks hard.
Yesterday I sought help from my boss. He shut me down totally. Game over. I was thunder struck, and I totally didn't expect the lack of humanity. So I bring you...
Adversity
(when life shits on your plate)
Get a new plate. Don't wail and piss and moan alot, because nobody's going to care much.
It's like sitting down to a game of checkers with a new opponent. You both have played checkers before so you know the rules. But, on his first move, your opponent moves from a black to a red square. You call him on it, but he just looks at you blankly and says "your turn". Stunned and a bit angry, you follow suit. Next, your opponent moves his piece two squares instead of one. Now you're on to him. So you move two squares. In fact, maybe you throw in your own rule change and start putting your pieces back on the board when you land on red squares. That'll show him. Right? Ummm...
Okay, now you're not playing checkers any more are you? Now you're playing a game with no rules and so nobody can really win, and we all know how that games ends. You both end up screaming that you won, and maybe punch each other. Just like kindergarten. Then it's milk time. Very mature.
See, your only real option here is to calmly get up and find a different person to play with. True, this jackass just wasted your recess, but that's life. Sticking it out is even more unpleasent. Escalating the situation won't make you happy. And you know it. Tell the teacher? Sure, but you know what they say about tattle-tails...
Move on. Go have your milk and get your mat out and lie down and take a nap. Screw the psycho checker bully.
Creepy Math Puzzle
1. GRAB A CALCULATOR. (YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS ONE IN YOUR HEAD).
2. KEY IN THE FIRST THREE DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER (NOT THE AREA CODE).
3. MULTIPLY BY 80.
4. ADD 1.
5. MULTIPLY BY 250.
6. ADD THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
7. ADD THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER AGAIN!
8. SUBTRACT 250.
9. DIVIDE NUMBER BY 2.
DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE ANSWER?
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