Sunday, July 23, 2006

Friday, July 21, 2006

God Wrote "Office Space"


Hey Teken, how's it goin...yeah, so, did you get the memo about the new cover letter for the TPS reports? Yeah, well I'm gonna have to ask you to just go ahead and, ah,...

If you'd like to see a snapshot in my daily work life, just see the movie "Office Space". I am Peter. And I'm at the part of the movie where every day is my worst day. I haven't seen the occupational hypnotherapist yet.

My team leader uses a non-standard Red Swingline Stapler. Says it doesn't bind up like the Stanley Bostitch. I shit you not.

But is it really good to be a gangsta?

I'll get back to you...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Family Nuggets


1. My Uncle D.S. had a lover who left him a ton of money. He divorced my aunt (Mom's side) and left her with almost nothing.

2. My Uncle K.F. (Mom's side) was a grifter who died in his sleep from insulin and sleeping pills. He, his wife, and kids (gorgious, I just met them a couple of years ago) had to leave Colorado after just opening all of their Christmas gifts one year.

3. My Aunt C.B.'s husband's Mom shot her pregnant daughter and herself to death in the house across from our cottage (back in the 1950s I think).

4. I still have the most unbelievable crushes on my two cousins D.B. and J.B.. Shame shame shame!

Things I Learned in Green Bay


1. You can taste insincerity in a hospital, which is why hospital food sometimes tastes really bad
1. Bring extra underwear because you'll probably stay longer than you planned
2. Don't sniff your underwear on the third wearing -- trust me, it stinks
2. Eat something before you get there because although the meal you get when you arrive will be delicious, you will wait
2. Rock Star 16-ouncers don't count as food
2. My name is Bendillonmark
6. My nephews are named after me
3. Massively Multi-player Role-playing Games are really pretty cool
4. You can go to bed when the sun rises, too
Z. You can survive an almost unlimited number of falls off of a conversational change of subject cliff as long as you pay attention
5. TV wrestling is a vahgeen HOOOOT!!
8. 2 year olds have special laser eye beams that bore holes in your heart and fill them with love
6. Guacamole turns baby poop brown if left out for a couple of hours
7. Baby poop brown guacamole tastes good
5. Zen loves to ride in the back of a gray Mustang convertible going down the freeway at 90 miles an hour on a 100 degree afternoon
0. If you find yourself reclining with Zen in the aforementioned convertible, don't wear a hat or sunglasses, and don't open your mouth or you'll lose a filling
8. Earwigs are nasty
Q. You will always pack things you don't need, even if you don't pack
1. You will always forget to pack that thing you need, even if you hire a vacation planner
4. Neither "Q." nor "1." above have any bearing on the quality of your experience, so chill
7. The "shaving cream in the hand, tickle the nose" trick really does work quite well
04. Newer Bun coffee makers only start brewing after you close the water lid thingy
9. Being randomly weird with your sister and nephews is startlingly cathartic
?. If you back up down a street, people will point at you
3. Ridiculing people who just pointed at you is fun, but only if you're with people
10. Wisdom plays a wicked game of hide-and-seek, but you can end up rolling on the floor laughing if you play along

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Family Rocks

Y'all should know that one's own family really rocks. Yup, there's no better way to regain the sense of what you're all about than to spend a few days with your blood.

Just take Baird to Hastings (just before the viaduct) and your head will swing back on straight.

Thank you, big Sis, for putting up with me. Ben and Dillon, I wish you both a lifetime of unharsh. Baby Abby -- don't get P.O.'d!

Toe Truck Teken

Vahgeen Azzle says: When moving a big, overstuffed lounge chair, it is a good idea to wear shoes. Why? Because it is possible to pull the big, heavy chair backwards over your foot, but not quite make it over the foot. Then the toenail on your big toe gets ripped nearly off and you will experience discomfort. When I say "discomfort", what I mean is eye-watering, can't-breathe, dog whistle scream, multiple-expletive PAIIIIIIINNNNN!!!! Oh, then there's the blood. Anyways, when moving heavy things, remember: shoes good, bare feet bad.

Teken: Vahgeen Azzle

So, I just spent the last three days and nights in Green Bay with Mom in intensive care. She was nearly dead. But some long hours, and a game or five of "inflated non-latex glove volleyball" later, she's getting better. Whew.

Anyway, so I get back to Wausau and go visit my kids, whom I missed and hugged furiously. Played together from about 6pm to about 9 or so. Later, I get a call from X asking where I am. "Home", I say, 'cause that's where I was. See, it seems that she didn't get home until around ten last night, so the kids were alone for about an hour. At 9 and 12 years old, they're home most days alone while X is at work.

But noooooooooo, after their hour alone I get a call from what sounds like a drunk, angry hornet. When I tried to reason with her and find out why she was swearing at me, I got a very concise answer: "Bucuzzz yer a Vahgeen Azzle!". Despite the slur and the abruptly ensuing hang-up, I got the translation.

Well there you have it. I bend over backwards to make our divorce as friendly and comfortable for the kids and her as possible. In fact, I'm going bankrupt doing it. She's living in a huge condo with cathedral ceilings and art prints while I'm -- well, not. But I'm a vahgeen azzle.

Super.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Son of a Ditch!

26 years driving in Wisconsin winters. 26 years of not really even a close call. But I ended up in the ditch last tuesday. Yup. The car upshifted at 35 mph, the back end of the hoopty slides right. The sphincter tightens. I cross the center line and slide into some farmer's field, facing the highway.

You know, I wonder why the road crew didn't salt or sand on a day when the temperatures were predicted to drop way below freezing. For days. I'm glad hurricanes don't happen here.

A nice family stopped to make sure all was well. Thanks guys! But I called 911 to get a trooper out there. The 12 year old cop arrived and asked me my wrecker preference. I said whatever gets here quick. We went back to our cars.

KNOCK KNOCK. Sphincter tightens again. It was the farm owner. I roll down my window and the man says "I wouldn't mind if you tried to drive out". Seeing the 60 degree angle I'd have to traverse, I shake my head. But he doesn't give up. "I'll push, just give 'er the gas!" Fine. Won't work, but this guy's nice.

After a couple of abortive attemtps, the car goes up and on the highway. WTF?!

All I can do is wave at the guy and yell "THANKS!!!". He gives me a wave and walks back to the barn.

I pull up behind the cop car, get out, and run up to his passenger window. "I got out", I say. The cop looks at me, cranks his neck around to look at the ditch, and looks at me. "Oh!" He apparently thought I was backup pulling up behind him (I have a Grand Marquis just like him). He never saw me get out. "I think we're all set", I say, and get back in my car and return home at 5 mph.

Crap! I know I got out and all, and I owe the farmer (Fleet Farm gift certificate on it's way), but I hated it. Never want to do it again. It sucks.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Get Out of My HEAD!

Did you know that people are getting in trouble for blogging about work? Fired, actually. Yup, corporate stooges learn that employees have blogs, and then they troll to see if they say anything even remotely related to the company. Huh. Wow. That's got to be scary... for those who actually blog about work... yeah.

So anyway, there's this... thing... I know, NOT FROM WORK, who has been getting in my head. Actually two... things...

These mythical things do stuff like copying a person of authority in on petty issues using what I like to call Imail (not at all talking about email here, you silly!). Anyways, these things actually think they're affecting the person of authority to think negatively of me, when, in reality the person of authority rolls his/her eyes and gets pissed. The things actually even conspire to tell the person-of-authority's person of authority (again, not at work at all) about these issues. Now, the upper person of authority is buying the crap. Not a shock, actually. So now it's a "smear Teken" cabal.

The point is that I've actually let the things into my head. It's toxic. It's not me. I know better. But I can't stand the things. They burn.

In closing, remember: people are actually getting fired for blogging about work. Just say no.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Hyper Teken

I knew today was going to be interesting when I awoke at 5am thinking "Hmmm... gotta do the wash, have coffee, make breakfast, go shopping, do more wash -- yeah, more wash -- think I need another hamper...". And on and on and on.

By about 11am I had most of the list accomplished and suddenly realized that this was not me. Well, of course it was -- and is -- me, but... well you know what I mean.

I had 97 cleaning her room, folding her clothes, helping with the chores. AND I actually did all the dishes. Plenty of cuddle time, too. By 1pm we went to pick up 94 (she had been babysitting), and we were both famished. We ate at mickey d's and went shopping. Spent the last part of the afternoon putting together 97's new dresser. Had slow cooker chicken stew for supper (yummy!).

Methinks 97's a little over tired right now, or perhaps PMSy -- oh wait, she's only 8. Sheeesh!

The movie Twitches was on tonight (secretly 97 and I watched it last night), and the girls gave it rave reviews. 94's comment was "Movies like that make you want to have powers.". Why? It's a Disney Channel movie about twins who never met each other and it turns out they're from a different dimension and have magic and like it's up to them to save the world from "The Darkness", and they like have SUPER magic if the hold hands, and they are totally in their own dramas but they learn how to make room for each other and they meet their mother who they thought was dead, but they had been drawing pictures of her and the evil guy and Coventry, and... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sorry, that was a moment of insanity brought to you by Daddy. "Daddy -- always trying to be in tune with my children." That's my motto. But I know that it's only a matter of precious months before I become the Lamest Person On Earth. For now, I'm satisfied with the pure glee the kids get when I buy them Ice Breakers Liquid Ice, or new Lemon Zest Colgate toothpaste. I love to bring them joy. Unfortunately, soon that will only be possible when I pay for everything and stay the heck away from them and their friends. I know because I was once their age. It's inevitable. "It's nature's way." It sucks.

On that note, good night.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

River in Egypt

Da Nile (denial) ain't just a river in Egypt, I hear.

I've been so busy deep in my own shizzit I haven't updated for months. I've had several of my readers wondering why.

Well, the X developed a brain tumor and is still recovering. This put the kibash on her marriage, which means no extra income for moi, even though my monthly expenses have increased since my move to Wausau. I'm not dealing. No, not much at all.

Credit card is getting higher. Living pretty much hand to mouth on borrowed time -- and money.

Really pissed about how I'm being treated at work, so I'm seeking Wausau alternatives. That would be huge because I could then tap into my 401K to pay off the card. Plus I'd be working closer to home.

Good news? Plenty of it. Girls are great and healthy. I've spent a week at the new medical complex I helped (in an information systems way) bring together, and have made really positive contributions. Spending the day there tomorrow, too. Awesome stuff!

Am bowling on a league (don't laugh it's really fun), and am improving week to week. I think I may prefer bowling to golf. It's also cheaper.

Can't promise the frequency of future updates, because that seems to lead to long lapses.

I love you all, and hope you'll keep reading and posting.

-Teken

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Did the Lake

OH! By the way, when we swam at Sunny Vale on Sunday, 94, 97, and I all crossed the lake and played on the other side. For three hours. We were very well sun screened though, so no burns! Wow, how great to float, relax, splash, and just play with the girls!

Post-o-riffic

  • Way to go shuttle crew! Wish you well on the last space walk.
  • Most of my coworkers suck festering wounds.
  • Apple is selling a multi-button mouse. Wooo.
  • A bunch of Americans were killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq today.
  • Those Air France passengers all survived yesterday. Thank God.
  • Sam's Club is offering a 1GB flash drive for real cheap. 'Bout time.
  • I haven't seen a significant thunderstorm this year. CRAP!
  • Brewers lost yesterday in an extra innings, bases loaded WALK.
    Keep on sucking, brew crew.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Never Posting Again

In order to get myself to post here more, I'm declaring that I'll never post again. Never, never, never!!

There, that should do it!

No Marriage = Me Bankrupt

Apparently the marriage of my X has been delayed. Have you ever felt plastic melt in your hands? I am in debt up to my nether regions. Was counting on the extra money (read spousal support) when I moved. Everything I buy, everything I owe, is now going on my credit card. My life is plastic. And it's melting... MELLLLLLLTIIIIIIING!!!

This is Teken on the brink. Life's way too short to worry alot about something as ridiculous as money, but I'm starting to sweat a bit.

X is doing well. The brain growth is shrinking now after the gamma knife. Thank God for the gamma knife. However, she's not getting married on August 5. I understand, but I am very worried. I moved to be closer to the girls and give them a place to live with me that was actually, well, livable. It costs me $275 more a month. It also means going from a walking commute, to a 40 minute car commute which costs me about $240 a month in gas.

I am fully moved, though.

Things at work have gotten interesting. Crack down on wireless internet usage. Crack down on how we log our hours. When I started at MC, my boss said, and I quote, "when I log my hours, I just basically guess. You can do the same.". Well, that's changed.

Kids are great. Today we went to "Sky High". Good movie. Very reminiscent of Harry Potter, but funny. I'd recommend it.

Later!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

How 'bout a TEKEN Packers License Plate?

To the World: Cherry, you inspire me. Thanks alot. What a fucking burden. Again, thanks.

};)

Okay, so, for the most important question of the day: should I spend 40 bucks for a vanity Green Bay Packers license plate for the hoopty that reads TEKEN? Huh? Should I? Must I? Oh, I think so. But please, I so love your feedback.

The Teken proginy and I spent five hours swimming at Sunnyvale Park this afternoon. What a blast! Thank you, God, for: 1) Sunscreen, and 2) Banana Boat After Sun. Got my atomic-white skin so burnt last weekend that I needed both this weekend.

No word from X today. Thank you God.

I am way into country music this year. Never thought I'd be there. Never. My current favs are:

Rascal Flats "Fast Cars and Freedom"
"Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On"
"Keg in the Closet"
"That's What I Love About Sundays"
"Hick Town"
...song with lyrics including "you get a line, I'll get a pole, we'll go fishin' at the crawfish hole. Five card poker on Saturday night, church on Sunday mornin'."

Rascal Flatts lead singer sounds like a girl. Ask the fruit of my loins.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Teken Under Siege

Psycho Xs suck. When X dropped off the kids tonight she claimed she "needed to talk to me this weekend". Fuck. That was never good when we were married, and it's not good now. Thinking she had some bone to pick with me, I offered to walk her to her car. Turns out her new beau blew her off for dinner tonight.

For the love of God.

She just found out she has a brain tumor (benign and treatable without carving her skull). And this guy is choosing to bail tonight... FUCK!

She asked my opinion, and I kept it mellow. For every response I was greeted with some rant punctuated with the obligatory "F" explative. In my quiet neighborhood. Shouted at the top of X's lungs. Hi! Nice to meet you, neighbor!

True, he's being a jerk. True, I'd just as soon deck him as look at him after this stunt. Also true though that he might just need a little break from the cling. I just wish he'd exhibit better judgement when establishing boundries. Bad on you, dude.

NEwhoo, it's her problem. And his. (shit, and mine too if they don't marry)

Just glad the X's tumor is getting the gamma knife instead of surgery. Just wish she'd chill and realize that people need to feel a certain amount of freedom, and expect a certain amount of respect. Just wish new beaus could either stick their heads far enough up their ass to see through an open mouth, or just plain see the pain they cause their partner.

Okay, that last sentence is completely stupid, but you get the idea.

Seems so insignificant given what's going on in London and Cuba.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Yipes!

Really busy right now. More bullet points:
  • X has a brain tumor, no, not kidding, it's benign, kids are a bit stressed but doing okay
  • I'm moved (more or less)
  • Love my new place
  • Need advice, want to buy a domain, what do you think: machopoodle.com, threwupalittle.com, any other suggestions?

Hate making these posts so infrequent and sparse, but the sheezit is really hitting the fan right now. Could use all y'all's prayers. Please.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Yes, yes, I know...

Bad Machopoodle, BAD!!

You're catching me in the middle of moving. Keeping my job in Marshfield, but moving 40 minutes northeast to Wausau, Wisconsin. Renting a 3-bedroom townhouse to be closer to the kids. Really nice, the girls get their own rooms. Attached garage for my hooptie. Deck. Washer and dryer. 1.5 baths. Thank you God!

Unfortunately, I have to surrender my cats. Kids aren't happy, but they have two of their own to play with. No worries, 'cause they're going back to kitty city, which is a no-kill shelter, and they're bound to find new homes soon.

Preparations today and Friday, major move on Saturday. I'll have to the end of June to move the little stuff.

X will wed in August, which means a big jump in my income. I'm taking a bet, though, because if it falls apart, I'm financially screwed. Say a prayer for the happy couple if you have a minute.

Looked after all five kids (John's three and my two) at a dairy breakfast this last weekend. Yum. Heard later that John's kids thought 94 and 97 have a cool dad. (me brimming with pride).

Later! Hopefully not much later, though...