Moonbeam

I am Moonbeam. I am black, small, and cute. I purr. My ears double as wings. Love me. NOW!

Baldy Teken

Yes, this is a rare picture of the endangered American Bald Teken. Note the egg-shaped head and affinity for pink furniture. This picture is a glaring (hee hee) reminder that it is important to get out on November 7th to vote. Remember, the evil Repulicruds would exploit and kill the Bald Tekens because they just don't care. Vote Demoncat and save this smooth species.

Did I mention that the American Bald Teken is a copious source of embrionic stem cells? Demoncats won't call that exploitation, after all, they CARE. Right, Michael? Oh, the Fox is the only natural enemy of the ABT. All the blovious vacuuousness is toxic to this sensitive species.

Blip!

1. I am still alive
2. I now have three tats
3. I have shaved my head. Photos?...maybe
4. Am very comfortable in my new apartment -- I LOVE IT!!!

No Astronaut, No Beaver, No Lincoln

You have to have seen the Rozarem commercial on the telly to get the title.

Neither Lunesta nor Rozarem work worth a plug nickle for me. How freaking sweet. They worked for two or three nights then worked no more. No eerie flourescent green butterfly thingy, no chess with random characters from my life. Thanks alot, "modern medicine"!!

Speaking of plug nickle, last Thursday the kids and I were at Rib Mountain by the Queen's Chair and there was a sign there about "Ancient Ripples". I read it aloud as "Ancient Nipples", which drew laughter from those climbing the Chair, and rebuke from my progeny. Of course we all laughed when I suggested "Ancient Nipples" as a Jeopardy answer, the question to which would be "What is under my grandma's polyester blouse?". Remember, I am child-like, not childish...

Driving Mister Teken

Grrrr!

You know, I'd like to say something like this:

"There's something very serene and peaceful and life-affirming about driving the streets at 2:30 in the morning. People all snug in there little beds and me rolling silently through the neighborhoods -- almost as a guardian, watching over them."

Yup, I'd like to say something like that. In fact, it would be true -- IF IT WERE OPPOSITE DAY!!!

Teken got into a major funk last night. The bulging file cabinet (see last post) broke open, and all those nasty files flew into the air and kept landing, hither-tither, giving me psychological paper cuts. So, I got up and drove for an hour. You know, I don't get great gas mileage when I have the weight of the world in the passenger seat.

I'm over it. The files are back, for the most part, in the cabinet. I slept from about 4am til about 11am and am drinking loads of coffee as I write. Must... refill... cup...

Ahhhh, much better. Teken coffee is STRONNNNG!!

Did you know that the cable and parcel delivery guys have a random number generator to determine when they will arrive at your house? That's why they say "some time between 11 and 4". They then enter your name into their generator and get an arbitrary time. You'll notice it's never at one end of the span or reliably in the middle.

In fact, this random number generator is CIA-funded, and also takes into account your bowel and bathing habits so as to catch you when you're pooping or drenched. You just can't hurry those things up, can you?!

But why? I'll tell you why: Because you know how we all play computer games and surf the web at work? Well, the geeks at the CIA, Homeland (in)Security, and WalMart (no, strangly, not Haliburton) watch you instead. And they just love watching you wipe furiously, or towel off incompletely, run down the stairs, and miss the dude by nanoseconds. It gives them gut-laughs.

Okay, no, that's not really why. It's because once in a while the bastards need extra time to arrange all the traffic lights to go yellow when you're approaching... No that's not it...

Once again, it's "Reader Participation Time". Explain in a comment to this post why you have to wait in your home from 11-4 every time you get cable or a parcel. I'll post the best ones. Oh, hell, who am I kidding, I'll post all of them that aren't gonna get me sued.

Happy commenting!

It Was Everything I Thought It Would Be!

This post's title is another quote from the movie Office Space. It also describes what I've been doing alot of lately. Nothing. Sweet, glorious nothing, and loving every minute of it.

Okay, sure, I've had meetings with my attorney, interviewed for jobs, networked, fixed on my car, yadda yadda... but I sleep until I want to get up, and just generally take my time doing NOTHING! Yes, the pressure is still on, but I try to cram it into a bulging file drawer in my head and lock it away because there is nothing else I can do about it until the money starts flowing in.

Had a rip-roaring verbal duel with the X. We both came away bloody, and I don't see the point. But I didn't let her walk all over me like usual. I fought back. I'm pretty bad at it but am getting better with practice. She doesn't like it much. Good.

As for employment, I have a second interview with Aspirus for an analyst position next Monday (the 25th). I'm still hopeful, but looking elsewhere too.

To everyone at MC, thank you for your support. Keep reading the poodle. To everyone else, especially Sis, the more words of encouragement the better. This is kinda go-time for me, and I need all the good stuff I can get.

SNEAKY TEKEN ALERT! I just back-dated a post to July. It is dated July 31 at about 11pm. I just think it's best there since that's when it happened.

Resignation Hits My Coworkers

Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2006 19:16:02 -0700
From: Teken
To: someguy.joe@notmarshfieldclinic.org, someotherguy@neversentry.com>

Yes, predictably I finally had enough. I could recount delicious details, but I believe my emails are MOST DEFINITELY NOT being monitored. Or I'm completely insane with paranoia.

Factually, I tendered a very restrained and eloquent resignation letter (my Mom's health is fading along with her mind I'm afraid), leaving the door open for future collaboration. That was met, within a couple of hours with my utter lack of security to Clinic systems, and complete silence. Well, except for a note from HR blathering on and on about PTO time, etc.. Ironically, since I have no email at the Clinic anymore, I can neither read or respond to those blatherings.

Interviewed today for an application analyst job with Aspirus. Looking very positive.

If it was sudden for all of you, imagine the shit stains in MY underwear!! Buckle up, kiddies, time for "the part on Sprockets when we dance" (horrible vague reference to an OLD SNL skit)..

Feel free to keep this email to yourself and your 200 closest friends and enemies.

Pray for me loudly and continuously. Repeat.
-Teken

Seriously, WOW!
Mark, I had no idea, but please do enlighten me with some details
(including Macho Poodle)!!!!!!!

-----Original Message-----
No, unfortunately I do not know the exact address. I've copied Mark so
he can enlighten us.

If you haven't yet heard, Mark has resigned; effective yesterday.

Joe

------Reply Message------
From:DD
Date:Thu Sep 07, 2006 -- 09:32:49 AM

I don't know it. Joe, do you know it?

-----Original Message------
Subject:Macho poodle

Hey, LV said something about a blog...called Macho Poodle. Do
you know the website. I'd love to read it!

Resignation

Supervisor,

It is with tempered regret that I must submit my resignation effective today, September 6, 2006. I say tempered because, given my tumultuous family health situation(s) and the Information Systems department's reluctance to work out an agreeable alternate working arrangement, the decision was not that difficult.

I will offer my continued assistance tying up loose ends, MECCA consults, etc. for an indefinite period by phone, email, and/or the occasional on-site visit if necessary, but I simply cannot be in two places at once. I am sure you understand.

Of course, this decision comes with real-world implications, so please process my resignation with due diligence so that I may access my retirement account, this being regrettable but necessary under the circumstances.

Truly I wish this seperation could have happened under calmer, less hectic skies, but we have to deal with what our maker gives us. Please be reassured that I value my professionalism almost as much as the dear relationships I have made at here over the past five-plus years. I will work hard to see that the transition is as uneventful as possible.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and best wishes.

Sincerely,

Mark M. Bastian

P.S. If you decide to inactivate my security, please use the following for future contact:

myemailatcharter@charterlikeisaid.duh
715-555-1212

cc:
Christensena, Carlos
Herbert, Liza MD
Kowalskid, Tack
Nikoluss, Saint
NoPowers, Dummy
Redswingline, Stapler

A Typical MC PSWG Meeting

Some notes from a particularly useless "get-together" (NOT A MEETING AT MARSHFIELD CLINIC ON AUGUST 30, 2006):
*****
W, 8/30/06, PSWG, Noon
1215: My Boss (DJ), "note"-taker, not here. Schedule says HDM, but he's in his "room". Didn't notify anyone he'd miss the "party" he was supposed to "take notes" at. Nice example! UPDATE: Still in his "room" after the "party", gave me stupid grin.

Spent entire time arguing about PD: Blaming, deflecting, accusing, badgering, attacking, ridiculing, hogging credit, and blaming customers for OUR problems.
*****
It's nice to love your job (so I've heard).

My New Friend PIP

By the way, I post mostly from "the library" and cleanup later from home. This is particularly gratifying because the blundering dunderheads actually think they've successfully prevented people from blogging by not allowing their browsers to connect to blogger.com. The nincompoops (SP?) fail entirely to realize that we can just email our posts in using the miracle of the Blogger Email Post. In fact, I try to make my entries especially long sometimes just to hammer the point home.

But that's not why you called. So let's quit talking about me and... here... and get back the happenin-est friend-topic for young and old alike: Me and... Here!!

Apparently I am about to be introduced to PIP. PIP stands for Profoundly Important Paper (or something) and is rumored to comprise a plan on when and how I should kiss the slave master's ass in order to avoid "consequences". I'm not sure what "consequences", but I'm pretty sure emancipation is not in the offing since I've all but committed homicide... here... and have yet to be freed.

I'm sure that PIP and I will become fast friends. In fact I already have a warm feeling for PIP; warm like the tip of a lit Bic. Can you safely cram burning PIP into someone's nether-crevice? The world may never know. OR WILL THEY?!?! <cue scary organ music>

Oh, my new hero Campbell took the vows this weekend. I had to hear that from his co-inker at Human Canvas. Seems he missed work Monday and Tuesday, too. I think I'll bring him some "personal renewal ointment" tonight for a present. Or a loaded shotgun. Both would solve particular problems. But I kid.

X is witholding the kids from me again. She's so nice. Why did I ever divorce her sweet, caring, totally not-malicious self? Must have been crazy. Oh well. Sending her $1K every two weeks helps with the hideous guilt and regret. Maybe Campbell and I could share the shotgun... (Um, kidding again, hee hee).

Hope to upload some awesome sunset pics later when I get home from... here. Tres magnific!

Found a shop that sells used police interceptors. They have one from Menasha PD! I want it!! Check them out a http://www.usedcopcars.com.

Tat's a Rap!

A quick shout out to my new favorite graphic artist, Campbell. Awesome job on my tat, bro. Kinda spooky, though, 'cause it's like you're in my MIND. Spooky for YOU, that is!! BWA HAH HAH HAHHHH!!!!

Feeeeearsssths!!!

Ha HAH! Thee Macho Poodle!

He can beee

In many places

ALL AT THEEE SAME TIME!!

Here's Teken's Icon

Yes and here is Teken's basic icon. When you see this very macho poodle, you know fun and wacky hijinks are just around the corner! He's just "Teken care of business!".


Okay, that was way over the top and I am sorry, but the kids and I did brainstorm this icon of MP. Subject to evolution of course, but a good start, don't you think?

Namesake

Yes, this is THEE Macho Poodle. Be careful! He looks cute, but he is oh, so MACHO!!

Checking In

Tasty, nutritious bullets of existence:

• Been accused, found guilty and punished for "harassment" at work
• Caught up on my laundry
• Told my team leader I'm looking
• Vented monumentally to EAP about work crap
• Commissioned a tatto (titter)
• Bought a huge thing, I'm obsessed
• Lived a whole bunch of days without running out of money, but only barely
• Got my new checks from MMCCU
• Wrote this blog entry
• Pooped some
• Stopped Rezorem, started Lunesta -- ??
• Ate some
• Cruised randomly some -- joy
• Pooped a little bit more
• Accidentally swallowed tin foil
• Discovered a bit about the nature of friendship
• Invented equation: Inner resonance (R) = [good deeds + nobody watching]
• Created the "self-assessment continuum" concept, squarely placing myself in the middle somewhere
• Pet the cat
• Tried to poop but only farted -- awww, man!!
• Reflected on the diametric profundity of stuff...

40 things

Yes, the email headers are annoying, but what price posterity?!

------Forward Message------
From: Wolfe, Jason
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 11:45:58 AM
To: bastianm, blackcj, boudreal, boudreat, clevelcc, demeratd, dukesr, glinskir, knechta, shavep, vechinsj, verhagel, zahnj
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things

Too funny......

I could really use some of these, and I think I will these next 2 weeks!

Wolfie

------Forward Message------
From: Wolfe, Melissa
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 10:14:49 AM
To: bowes, churchsk, crlniemi@hotmail.com, janice.gleisner@roehl.net, kristinar@gsiwc.org, langml, mccaulek, olivarre, truhlarj, wolfej
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things

To funny

------Forward Message------
From: Verkilen, Amanda
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 09:29:07 AM
To: cablej, churchsk, haukek, rineb, smithjv, suefeltz@northlandstainless.com, tfeltz@abprocess.com, wolfemj
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things

------Original Message------
From: "Laurie Jarvenpaa" <LJarvenpaa@1strate.com>
Date: Tue Aug 08, 2006 -- 06:43:55 PM
To: "1st Rate Oshkosh Loan Officers" <OshkoshLoanOfficers@1strate.local>, "Lisa Hoffmann" <LHoffmann@1strate.com>, <verkilen.amanda@marshfieldclinic.org>, <JARVEY61@aol.com>, <stream_8@hotmail.com>, <nursejen05@hotmail.com>, <wenderfamily@earthlink.net>, <drschuh@charter.net>, <dawn.schuh@cobalt-corp.com>, <jschuh@uwsp.edu>, "KJ Kreis " <kjkreis@charter.net>, <LDeffner@schuettemetals.com>, <mkoenig@bankfirstnational.com>, <scottydbennett@bellsouth.net>
Subject: FW: 40 things

40 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're
saying.

10. Ahhhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
of
view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist.

18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ....?

24. Do I look like a f*cking people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it ... like humor ... but different.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door ..1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume.....Must you really marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder .... my work here is finally done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

40. Wait a minute --- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

F I U R R R R R R R R R R D A H ! ! !

Honestly, I think I'd have to kill someone to get canned. But whom?

Nah, then they'd have cause and I wouldn't be able to collect unemployment. Crap, even if I could I'd be in prison, sleeping next to Tiny with one eye closed.

Just had a triple espresso from Starbucks. Hope it keeps me --SNOOOORRRRE--...

Cripes! It hurts your neck to bob your head to sleep and then suddenly wake up. Know what I mean?

NHA job in Rib Lake with a subsidiary of Beverly. I applied. Wish me luck.

Put Dad's desk together last night up in the bedroom 'foryer'. Looks nice. Good to have it back, and to have the garage cleared out. Except that, even though I wore a bandanna over my nose and mouth, the black garage dirt still got up my nose. How do I know? Dirty tissues. Plus it tastes horrible... kidding.

Raeqwon

That's a name I learned this weekend, and needed to spell it out to help cement it in my brain.

On Saturday evening I was putzing around with my new umbrella beach chair in the driveway. Once assembled, I sat there thinking I would read Popular Mechanic, but was immediately distracted by a coupla playful neighborhood kids. Before you know it, 94 and 97 were outside and our cosey little cul-du-sac became a playground. What fun!!

Alas, the blue foam boom-a-rang thing got stuck in a tree. An adult neighbor came by to check on the joyful noise and helped get it down with a basketball. Turns out he's the dad of one of the cute kids, Raeqwon. Nice folks. How do I know? Cause I spent a good part of the rest of the night helping them with their computer issues.

I can't tell you how thrilled I was/am to get out an get to know neighbors. Man, Gabe makes the best fresh lemonade, and his three kids are absolutely adorable. His wife is starting to do medical billing from home, and I'm gonna help her learn the comfuzer.

Put up a coupla Packer "G"s, a neat lighthouse, and a smiley face sculpture outside my place to make it look more homey. Hmmmm, nice!

A good weekend!

Irony Board

I find myself awash in irony. 

 

I am late on rent and other bills, but have many thousands of dollars.  To get at these dollars I have to get rid of my job.  I hate my job, so getting rid of it would be a blessing.  I haven't found a new one yet.  I can't quit my job because I don't have an adequate "go to hell" fund.  If I was fired I could collect unemployment and that would be groovy.  They won't fire me because they're... well... incompetant and lazy.  Which is why I hate my job.

 

See the irony here, people?!

 

This has just got to be worth a good laugh when I'm through it.

 

Right?

 

Rules

Short rant about rules:

1. Rules are abstractions. They don't allow for learning directly about cause and effect. Therefore they're only good in extreme situations. Of course you're going to have a rule that says "No smoking in the gasoline storage shed". You don't want anyone finding out why the hard way. But, rules that, when broken, do not cause loss of life or limb, are stupid. The further from harm you get, in fact, the more ridiculous rules become.

2. Rules are really tricky. You have to write them very thoroughly. "No smoking" doesn't say "No lighting fire crackers", right? If you wrote down every single thing that would cause an explosion, nobody would read the rules. If you simply state "avoid ignition", some people may not understand. In fact, they'll probably light up a smoke to think about it...

3. Teach people, and let them make mistakes. That's how we learn. Consequences.

Just keep the rules reasonable, folks. Otherwise they're meaningless. Read a legal disclaimer after a car commercial some time and you'll see.