Remembering Murph on Veteran's Day

Well, it's Veteran's Day. My Dad is on the far top right in Korea. He didn't want me to post this picture, so of course it took me forever (hmmm, wonder where I got my stubborn streak?). Actually, Dad never talked about his service, a reluctance I hear is shared by so many Veterans. That's too bad, because I would have liked to hear more. Suffice it to say I'm proud of you, Dad, no matter how you remember that time of your life.

We owe our freedom, even to dissent, to people like Murphy, my Dad. We're not a perfect country, but I believe that we're the closest thing God's given the world. I feel lucky to live here. Perhaps if you don't, you shouldn't, hmm?

So, my heartfelt thank you to all those who read this and have served. And especially to those who have served and cannot read this. Rest now, knowing you made a worthy sacrifice and you are loved and missed.

Apoplectic Over Apathy

See my last post. Literally on election day, Charter Communication decided to change its channel layout. I went to turn on Fox News for erection coverage, and got static. I called Charter and someone in India suggested I "scan all channels" to find it.

I found it. On the Cartoon Network.

Okay, I'll admit that Charter exhibited perfect humor in its channel realignment, since all politics have devolved to ADHD-addled, sound byte-driven cartoons. However, I remain apoplectic over the fact that it happened.

I tried convincing all three local TV news stations of the significance of this, and I was met with: Channel 7 - Fat; Channel 9 - Dumb; and Channel 11 - Stupid.

I even walked down the street to my favorite radio station, AM 1150 WSAU. The doors were open and I walked up to the studio. I talked to a fat man who promptly escorted me out the way I came.

I walked to my local pub and, to my surprise, the four patrons at least understood my rage. I played a couple of games of pool and downed a Clausthaller (Teken living on the edge), and left.

Well, given my local response to this obvious irregularity, we have gotten what we deserve in Washington. I am just sad that my Dad fought in Korea, and so many have died pursuing human liberty, just to end up with a pathetic, lazy, ignorant populace. I pray for us.

Fox Hiding

Above you see channel 69, which is supposed to be Cartoon Network. Right now it is running Fox News.

Here's a picture of channel 77, which is listed as Fox News Channel:


At this time, Fox news, which is usually channel 77, has been moved to channel 69, which is supposed to be cartoon network. This is very suspicious given that today is voting day. I've never had anything like this happen before.

X-treme Behavior

Pic of me, shocked that X is up to her old tricks (by shocked, I mean not at all shocked).

Latest update on X's dysfunctional behavior: This is my weekend with the girls, and X has managed to convince 97 that she doesn't want to stay over with me tonight (but tomorrow night is fine, somehow). X said: "Do you realize that all of 97's friends think you're ill? It's the way you LOOK". She is, of course, referring to my choice to shave my head. I have been told by many others who know me that I've never looked more healthy. I honestly think X is manipulating the kids, trying to alienate them from me. If anyone has any advise on how to handle this, that would be great. Right now I'm just planning to gently ascertain whether 97 really said these things.

Even though we're divorced, X continues to find ways to abuse.

Oh, she also left me two voicemails yesterday, which I returned this morning. She flew off the handle because it took me 12 hours to respond. She says she's concerned that "what would happen if the kids were in the hospital and you didn't answer?!" That would never happen. I always listen to my messages, I just don't respond to them all immediately. Is that bad? Didn't think so.

WARNING: Dad Gushes Over Children

One of my favorite pictures, which I took with my Samsung phone this fall.

It's 29F degrees outside right now. On November 2! It's gonna be a long winter.

I'm picking up 94 and her friend from school today. I am so proud of 94! She is a free spirit, yet she is really applying herself at school ('A' grades, mostly). She is developing a wisdom about human nature and relationships that I wish I had at twice her age. She sees beyond the B.S., yet is kind and forgiving. She is polite but persistant. She knows what she wants, knows it's up to her to get it, and very effectively goes about getting it without hurting others.

Of course, my pride for 97 continues to be high, too. She is a wonderful, warm, loving person. She performs exceedingly well in school, and REALLY learns. I'm proud that she has been elected a Peer Mediator at her school, and shows leadership skills even at her tender age. Her moral compass is spot-on, and you can tell when she sees situations that seem less than moral.

If one of the goals of parenting is to help equip your children for their adult lives, to give them the skills you didn't have when you were growing-up, I feel I've at least made a good start. I love them so!

My New Digs

Picture of a beautiful sculpture I bought.

Why do people begin posts by saying "I should really tell you..."? Seems like a misplaced sense of obligation mixed with an odd reluctance to actually blog...

Anyway, I should really tell you about my new apartment. It is a nine-story brick and block monolith built in the roaring '20s. Used to be a five star hotel. It has an ornate two story ballroom, and retains almost all of its original tin ceilings, carvings, doors, and other trappings. I live in a northwest corner apartment on the seventh floor. I believe my unit used to be two guest rooms with a door cut between them. It is by far the most special and "totally-me" place I've ever lived. And the rent is cheap.

More here:

Landmark Building

New Airbag for Kids

Here is my concept for child safety. It is a portable airbag. Here you see my two adorable (and SAFE) models demonstrating the prototype. They're comments? "Daaaaaad!!" Note, however, they're willingness to pose for the brochure. "American Inventor", here I come!

Kerry Slams Iraq Vets and Families

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. And if you don't, you get stuck in Iraq." -John Kerry, 10/30/2006

What a tragic statement. What a tragic man. Shame on you, John Kerry!

Rainbow Connection

Check out the rainbow I followed all the way to Green Bay last month.

Still not moved out of the old place completely, but getting ever closer. Nice to be in downtown, steps away from everything. The girls absolutely love Moonbeam, and love the apartment too.

X is still a pain. Her latest is: "I don't think the kids should stay with you overnight because they don't have beds." Like hell they don't. I've gotten them full sized inflatable matresses and new bed linens that they chose. I guess that's not conventional enough for X, though. Tough.

By the way, I sleep on an air mattress too, and I highly highly recommend it. No more tossing and turning, no back pain. The only problem is getting out of bed!

Alas, I am still unemployed. One and a half months seems forever, and money is very low. But I've never been happier. This time off is very good for me. And very scary.

I've spent more time with Mom and Sis and the boys over the last two months than in many years. That alone is worth the price of unemployment.

I've paid off the car! My hoopty is really MINE!!

Gotta go for now. Keep praying for me, it really helps.

Moonbeam

I am Moonbeam. I am black, small, and cute. I purr. My ears double as wings. Love me. NOW!

Baldy Teken

Yes, this is a rare picture of the endangered American Bald Teken. Note the egg-shaped head and affinity for pink furniture. This picture is a glaring (hee hee) reminder that it is important to get out on November 7th to vote. Remember, the evil Repulicruds would exploit and kill the Bald Tekens because they just don't care. Vote Demoncat and save this smooth species.

Did I mention that the American Bald Teken is a copious source of embrionic stem cells? Demoncats won't call that exploitation, after all, they CARE. Right, Michael? Oh, the Fox is the only natural enemy of the ABT. All the blovious vacuuousness is toxic to this sensitive species.

Blip!

1. I am still alive
2. I now have three tats
3. I have shaved my head. Photos?...maybe
4. Am very comfortable in my new apartment -- I LOVE IT!!!

No Astronaut, No Beaver, No Lincoln

You have to have seen the Rozarem commercial on the telly to get the title.

Neither Lunesta nor Rozarem work worth a plug nickle for me. How freaking sweet. They worked for two or three nights then worked no more. No eerie flourescent green butterfly thingy, no chess with random characters from my life. Thanks alot, "modern medicine"!!

Speaking of plug nickle, last Thursday the kids and I were at Rib Mountain by the Queen's Chair and there was a sign there about "Ancient Ripples". I read it aloud as "Ancient Nipples", which drew laughter from those climbing the Chair, and rebuke from my progeny. Of course we all laughed when I suggested "Ancient Nipples" as a Jeopardy answer, the question to which would be "What is under my grandma's polyester blouse?". Remember, I am child-like, not childish...

Driving Mister Teken

Grrrr!

You know, I'd like to say something like this:

"There's something very serene and peaceful and life-affirming about driving the streets at 2:30 in the morning. People all snug in there little beds and me rolling silently through the neighborhoods -- almost as a guardian, watching over them."

Yup, I'd like to say something like that. In fact, it would be true -- IF IT WERE OPPOSITE DAY!!!

Teken got into a major funk last night. The bulging file cabinet (see last post) broke open, and all those nasty files flew into the air and kept landing, hither-tither, giving me psychological paper cuts. So, I got up and drove for an hour. You know, I don't get great gas mileage when I have the weight of the world in the passenger seat.

I'm over it. The files are back, for the most part, in the cabinet. I slept from about 4am til about 11am and am drinking loads of coffee as I write. Must... refill... cup...

Ahhhh, much better. Teken coffee is STRONNNNG!!

Did you know that the cable and parcel delivery guys have a random number generator to determine when they will arrive at your house? That's why they say "some time between 11 and 4". They then enter your name into their generator and get an arbitrary time. You'll notice it's never at one end of the span or reliably in the middle.

In fact, this random number generator is CIA-funded, and also takes into account your bowel and bathing habits so as to catch you when you're pooping or drenched. You just can't hurry those things up, can you?!

But why? I'll tell you why: Because you know how we all play computer games and surf the web at work? Well, the geeks at the CIA, Homeland (in)Security, and WalMart (no, strangly, not Haliburton) watch you instead. And they just love watching you wipe furiously, or towel off incompletely, run down the stairs, and miss the dude by nanoseconds. It gives them gut-laughs.

Okay, no, that's not really why. It's because once in a while the bastards need extra time to arrange all the traffic lights to go yellow when you're approaching... No that's not it...

Once again, it's "Reader Participation Time". Explain in a comment to this post why you have to wait in your home from 11-4 every time you get cable or a parcel. I'll post the best ones. Oh, hell, who am I kidding, I'll post all of them that aren't gonna get me sued.

Happy commenting!

It Was Everything I Thought It Would Be!

This post's title is another quote from the movie Office Space. It also describes what I've been doing alot of lately. Nothing. Sweet, glorious nothing, and loving every minute of it.

Okay, sure, I've had meetings with my attorney, interviewed for jobs, networked, fixed on my car, yadda yadda... but I sleep until I want to get up, and just generally take my time doing NOTHING! Yes, the pressure is still on, but I try to cram it into a bulging file drawer in my head and lock it away because there is nothing else I can do about it until the money starts flowing in.

Had a rip-roaring verbal duel with the X. We both came away bloody, and I don't see the point. But I didn't let her walk all over me like usual. I fought back. I'm pretty bad at it but am getting better with practice. She doesn't like it much. Good.

As for employment, I have a second interview with Aspirus for an analyst position next Monday (the 25th). I'm still hopeful, but looking elsewhere too.

To everyone at MC, thank you for your support. Keep reading the poodle. To everyone else, especially Sis, the more words of encouragement the better. This is kinda go-time for me, and I need all the good stuff I can get.

SNEAKY TEKEN ALERT! I just back-dated a post to July. It is dated July 31 at about 11pm. I just think it's best there since that's when it happened.

Resignation Hits My Coworkers

Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2006 19:16:02 -0700
From: Teken
To: someguy.joe@notmarshfieldclinic.org, someotherguy@neversentry.com>

Yes, predictably I finally had enough. I could recount delicious details, but I believe my emails are MOST DEFINITELY NOT being monitored. Or I'm completely insane with paranoia.

Factually, I tendered a very restrained and eloquent resignation letter (my Mom's health is fading along with her mind I'm afraid), leaving the door open for future collaboration. That was met, within a couple of hours with my utter lack of security to Clinic systems, and complete silence. Well, except for a note from HR blathering on and on about PTO time, etc.. Ironically, since I have no email at the Clinic anymore, I can neither read or respond to those blatherings.

Interviewed today for an application analyst job with Aspirus. Looking very positive.

If it was sudden for all of you, imagine the shit stains in MY underwear!! Buckle up, kiddies, time for "the part on Sprockets when we dance" (horrible vague reference to an OLD SNL skit)..

Feel free to keep this email to yourself and your 200 closest friends and enemies.

Pray for me loudly and continuously. Repeat.
-Teken

Seriously, WOW!
Mark, I had no idea, but please do enlighten me with some details
(including Macho Poodle)!!!!!!!

-----Original Message-----
No, unfortunately I do not know the exact address. I've copied Mark so
he can enlighten us.

If you haven't yet heard, Mark has resigned; effective yesterday.

Joe

------Reply Message------
From:DD
Date:Thu Sep 07, 2006 -- 09:32:49 AM

I don't know it. Joe, do you know it?

-----Original Message------
Subject:Macho poodle

Hey, LV said something about a blog...called Macho Poodle. Do
you know the website. I'd love to read it!

Resignation

Supervisor,

It is with tempered regret that I must submit my resignation effective today, September 6, 2006. I say tempered because, given my tumultuous family health situation(s) and the Information Systems department's reluctance to work out an agreeable alternate working arrangement, the decision was not that difficult.

I will offer my continued assistance tying up loose ends, MECCA consults, etc. for an indefinite period by phone, email, and/or the occasional on-site visit if necessary, but I simply cannot be in two places at once. I am sure you understand.

Of course, this decision comes with real-world implications, so please process my resignation with due diligence so that I may access my retirement account, this being regrettable but necessary under the circumstances.

Truly I wish this seperation could have happened under calmer, less hectic skies, but we have to deal with what our maker gives us. Please be reassured that I value my professionalism almost as much as the dear relationships I have made at here over the past five-plus years. I will work hard to see that the transition is as uneventful as possible.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and best wishes.

Sincerely,

Mark M. Bastian

P.S. If you decide to inactivate my security, please use the following for future contact:

myemailatcharter@charterlikeisaid.duh
715-555-1212

cc:
Christensena, Carlos
Herbert, Liza MD
Kowalskid, Tack
Nikoluss, Saint
NoPowers, Dummy
Redswingline, Stapler

A Typical MC PSWG Meeting

Some notes from a particularly useless "get-together" (NOT A MEETING AT MARSHFIELD CLINIC ON AUGUST 30, 2006):
*****
W, 8/30/06, PSWG, Noon
1215: My Boss (DJ), "note"-taker, not here. Schedule says HDM, but he's in his "room". Didn't notify anyone he'd miss the "party" he was supposed to "take notes" at. Nice example! UPDATE: Still in his "room" after the "party", gave me stupid grin.

Spent entire time arguing about PD: Blaming, deflecting, accusing, badgering, attacking, ridiculing, hogging credit, and blaming customers for OUR problems.
*****
It's nice to love your job (so I've heard).

My New Friend PIP

By the way, I post mostly from "the library" and cleanup later from home. This is particularly gratifying because the blundering dunderheads actually think they've successfully prevented people from blogging by not allowing their browsers to connect to blogger.com. The nincompoops (SP?) fail entirely to realize that we can just email our posts in using the miracle of the Blogger Email Post. In fact, I try to make my entries especially long sometimes just to hammer the point home.

But that's not why you called. So let's quit talking about me and... here... and get back the happenin-est friend-topic for young and old alike: Me and... Here!!

Apparently I am about to be introduced to PIP. PIP stands for Profoundly Important Paper (or something) and is rumored to comprise a plan on when and how I should kiss the slave master's ass in order to avoid "consequences". I'm not sure what "consequences", but I'm pretty sure emancipation is not in the offing since I've all but committed homicide... here... and have yet to be freed.

I'm sure that PIP and I will become fast friends. In fact I already have a warm feeling for PIP; warm like the tip of a lit Bic. Can you safely cram burning PIP into someone's nether-crevice? The world may never know. OR WILL THEY?!?! <cue scary organ music>

Oh, my new hero Campbell took the vows this weekend. I had to hear that from his co-inker at Human Canvas. Seems he missed work Monday and Tuesday, too. I think I'll bring him some "personal renewal ointment" tonight for a present. Or a loaded shotgun. Both would solve particular problems. But I kid.

X is witholding the kids from me again. She's so nice. Why did I ever divorce her sweet, caring, totally not-malicious self? Must have been crazy. Oh well. Sending her $1K every two weeks helps with the hideous guilt and regret. Maybe Campbell and I could share the shotgun... (Um, kidding again, hee hee).

Hope to upload some awesome sunset pics later when I get home from... here. Tres magnific!

Found a shop that sells used police interceptors. They have one from Menasha PD! I want it!! Check them out a http://www.usedcopcars.com.

Tat's a Rap!

A quick shout out to my new favorite graphic artist, Campbell. Awesome job on my tat, bro. Kinda spooky, though, 'cause it's like you're in my MIND. Spooky for YOU, that is!! BWA HAH HAH HAHHHH!!!!

Feeeeearsssths!!!

Ha HAH! Thee Macho Poodle!

He can beee

In many places

ALL AT THEEE SAME TIME!!

Here's Teken's Icon

Yes and here is Teken's basic icon. When you see this very macho poodle, you know fun and wacky hijinks are just around the corner! He's just "Teken care of business!".


Okay, that was way over the top and I am sorry, but the kids and I did brainstorm this icon of MP. Subject to evolution of course, but a good start, don't you think?

Namesake

Yes, this is THEE Macho Poodle. Be careful! He looks cute, but he is oh, so MACHO!!

Checking In

Tasty, nutritious bullets of existence:

• Been accused, found guilty and punished for "harassment" at work
• Caught up on my laundry
• Told my team leader I'm looking
• Vented monumentally to EAP about work crap
• Commissioned a tatto (titter)
• Bought a huge thing, I'm obsessed
• Lived a whole bunch of days without running out of money, but only barely
• Got my new checks from MMCCU
• Wrote this blog entry
• Pooped some
• Stopped Rezorem, started Lunesta -- ??
• Ate some
• Cruised randomly some -- joy
• Pooped a little bit more
• Accidentally swallowed tin foil
• Discovered a bit about the nature of friendship
• Invented equation: Inner resonance (R) = [good deeds + nobody watching]
• Created the "self-assessment continuum" concept, squarely placing myself in the middle somewhere
• Pet the cat
• Tried to poop but only farted -- awww, man!!
• Reflected on the diametric profundity of stuff...

40 things

Yes, the email headers are annoying, but what price posterity?!

------Forward Message------
From: Wolfe, Jason
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 11:45:58 AM
To: bastianm, blackcj, boudreal, boudreat, clevelcc, demeratd, dukesr, glinskir, knechta, shavep, vechinsj, verhagel, zahnj
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things

Too funny......

I could really use some of these, and I think I will these next 2 weeks!

Wolfie

------Forward Message------
From: Wolfe, Melissa
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 10:14:49 AM
To: bowes, churchsk, crlniemi@hotmail.com, janice.gleisner@roehl.net, kristinar@gsiwc.org, langml, mccaulek, olivarre, truhlarj, wolfej
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things

To funny

------Forward Message------
From: Verkilen, Amanda
Date: Wed Aug 09, 2006 -- 09:29:07 AM
To: cablej, churchsk, haukek, rineb, smithjv, suefeltz@northlandstainless.com, tfeltz@abprocess.com, wolfemj
Subject: Fwd: FW: 40 things

------Original Message------
From: "Laurie Jarvenpaa" <LJarvenpaa@1strate.com>
Date: Tue Aug 08, 2006 -- 06:43:55 PM
To: "1st Rate Oshkosh Loan Officers" <OshkoshLoanOfficers@1strate.local>, "Lisa Hoffmann" <LHoffmann@1strate.com>, <verkilen.amanda@marshfieldclinic.org>, <JARVEY61@aol.com>, <stream_8@hotmail.com>, <nursejen05@hotmail.com>, <wenderfamily@earthlink.net>, <drschuh@charter.net>, <dawn.schuh@cobalt-corp.com>, <jschuh@uwsp.edu>, "KJ Kreis " <kjkreis@charter.net>, <LDeffner@schuettemetals.com>, <mkoenig@bankfirstnational.com>, <scottydbennett@bellsouth.net>
Subject: FW: 40 things

40 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're
saying.

10. Ahhhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
of
view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist.

18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ....?

24. Do I look like a f*cking people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it ... like humor ... but different.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door ..1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume.....Must you really marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder .... my work here is finally done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

40. Wait a minute --- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

F I U R R R R R R R R R R D A H ! ! !

Honestly, I think I'd have to kill someone to get canned. But whom?

Nah, then they'd have cause and I wouldn't be able to collect unemployment. Crap, even if I could I'd be in prison, sleeping next to Tiny with one eye closed.

Just had a triple espresso from Starbucks. Hope it keeps me --SNOOOORRRRE--...

Cripes! It hurts your neck to bob your head to sleep and then suddenly wake up. Know what I mean?

NHA job in Rib Lake with a subsidiary of Beverly. I applied. Wish me luck.

Put Dad's desk together last night up in the bedroom 'foryer'. Looks nice. Good to have it back, and to have the garage cleared out. Except that, even though I wore a bandanna over my nose and mouth, the black garage dirt still got up my nose. How do I know? Dirty tissues. Plus it tastes horrible... kidding.

Raeqwon

That's a name I learned this weekend, and needed to spell it out to help cement it in my brain.

On Saturday evening I was putzing around with my new umbrella beach chair in the driveway. Once assembled, I sat there thinking I would read Popular Mechanic, but was immediately distracted by a coupla playful neighborhood kids. Before you know it, 94 and 97 were outside and our cosey little cul-du-sac became a playground. What fun!!

Alas, the blue foam boom-a-rang thing got stuck in a tree. An adult neighbor came by to check on the joyful noise and helped get it down with a basketball. Turns out he's the dad of one of the cute kids, Raeqwon. Nice folks. How do I know? Cause I spent a good part of the rest of the night helping them with their computer issues.

I can't tell you how thrilled I was/am to get out an get to know neighbors. Man, Gabe makes the best fresh lemonade, and his three kids are absolutely adorable. His wife is starting to do medical billing from home, and I'm gonna help her learn the comfuzer.

Put up a coupla Packer "G"s, a neat lighthouse, and a smiley face sculpture outside my place to make it look more homey. Hmmmm, nice!

A good weekend!

Irony Board

I find myself awash in irony. 

 

I am late on rent and other bills, but have many thousands of dollars.  To get at these dollars I have to get rid of my job.  I hate my job, so getting rid of it would be a blessing.  I haven't found a new one yet.  I can't quit my job because I don't have an adequate "go to hell" fund.  If I was fired I could collect unemployment and that would be groovy.  They won't fire me because they're... well... incompetant and lazy.  Which is why I hate my job.

 

See the irony here, people?!

 

This has just got to be worth a good laugh when I'm through it.

 

Right?

 

Rules

Short rant about rules:

1. Rules are abstractions. They don't allow for learning directly about cause and effect. Therefore they're only good in extreme situations. Of course you're going to have a rule that says "No smoking in the gasoline storage shed". You don't want anyone finding out why the hard way. But, rules that, when broken, do not cause loss of life or limb, are stupid. The further from harm you get, in fact, the more ridiculous rules become.

2. Rules are really tricky. You have to write them very thoroughly. "No smoking" doesn't say "No lighting fire crackers", right? If you wrote down every single thing that would cause an explosion, nobody would read the rules. If you simply state "avoid ignition", some people may not understand. In fact, they'll probably light up a smoke to think about it...

3. Teach people, and let them make mistakes. That's how we learn. Consequences.

Just keep the rules reasonable, folks. Otherwise they're meaningless. Read a legal disclaimer after a car commercial some time and you'll see.

Kindergarten

Whew, I'm really glad I didn't post the rant I had all written out yesterday. That would have been a mistake. Rage sucks. Left over brainstem stuff, I know, but man it sucks hard.

Yesterday I sought help from my boss. He shut me down totally. Game over. I was thunder struck, and I totally didn't expect the lack of humanity. So I bring you...

Adversity

(when life shits on your plate)

Get a new plate. Don't wail and piss and moan alot, because nobody's going to care much.

It's like sitting down to a game of checkers with a new opponent. You both have played checkers before so you know the rules. But, on his first move, your opponent moves from a black to a red square. You call him on it, but he just looks at you blankly and says "your turn". Stunned and a bit angry, you follow suit. Next, your opponent moves his piece two squares instead of one. Now you're on to him. So you move two squares. In fact, maybe you throw in your own rule change and start putting your pieces back on the board when you land on red squares. That'll show him. Right? Ummm...

Okay, now you're not playing checkers any more are you? Now you're playing a game with no rules and so nobody can really win, and we all know how that games ends. You both end up screaming that you won, and maybe punch each other. Just like kindergarten. Then it's milk time. Very mature.

See, your only real option here is to calmly get up and find a different person to play with. True, this jackass just wasted your recess, but that's life. Sticking it out is even more unpleasent. Escalating the situation won't make you happy. And you know it. Tell the teacher? Sure, but you know what they say about tattle-tails...

Move on. Go have your milk and get your mat out and lie down and take a nap. Screw the psycho checker bully.

Creepy Math Puzzle

1. GRAB A CALCULATOR. (YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS ONE IN YOUR HEAD).
2. KEY IN THE FIRST THREE DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER (NOT THE AREA CODE).
3. MULTIPLY BY 80.
4. ADD 1.
5. MULTIPLY BY 250.
6. ADD THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
7. ADD THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER AGAIN!
8. SUBTRACT 250.
9. DIVIDE NUMBER BY 2.

DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE ANSWER?

Get a Part-Time Job

NOTE: This is an email I sent myself on July 31st, after a talk with... "someone":

This one burns. White hot. You know, the feeling that you've actually been flash-frozen it's so hot? Yeah, that's how this burns.

Unfortunately, I don't have a prophetic monologue in mind for the way I have just been treated, so let me descibe it to you. Then maybe I'll gain the clarity of mind to approach the situation positively.

I just trusted "someone" enough to confide in him that, through the sickness of my kids' mother, my mom's hospitalization, and my own brush with the grim reaper, I have been left financially weakened. I asked if it were possible to cut my commuting expenses by working from one of the five locations we have closer to my home. This would probably save me about $70 a week in gas.

The answer was nearly instantaneous and was preceeded by no words of understanding: "No, I don't see how that's possible." He said it with no regret, no empathy. In fact, if I were to assign an emotion to his rapid-fire response, it would have to be self-satisfaction. That was it. No discussion. Game over.

Now, really, I wasn't expecting a gush of warm, touchy-feely support. But I thought there would be at least an attempt to appear concerned.

"Maybe you should get a part time job to help." WTF?!?!?! Right, work 45 hours a week here, plus 10 more hours of commuting, and then go back and work part time?! Okay, sure, maybe I could get a job KICKING YOUR SICK, CLUELESS ASS!! Shit, I'd do that job for free!

About an hour later, "someone" suggests that I contact Employee Assistance to help. I informed him that I've already enlisted they're "top notch" help, so he just shruged and walked away.

Okay, I said a prayer, took a moment to cool-off, and all of that. But I am still so royally pissed that I could just walk the fuck out of here right now.

I work under conditions (heavy edit) that are truly sick. I mean gangrenously, pustulently, cancerously, toxically, virulently, violently ill. I need to recognize this and move on. I will.

How does this emotional rape make me feel? Unwanted, unworthy, weak, pathetic, sad, disappointed, angry, and vengeful. Every single fucked-up emotion I could feel -- all at once.

It

Just a very rough draft. Not done yet. Patience.

None of what you are about to read makes any sense if you're in a hurry. Or if your mad. Go away and get over it first.

Little fish. Remember, there's nothing you can do about the time before you arrived. Alot of good meaning people and grace survived and got you here in the first place. You're standing on their shoulders and most of the time that pressure you feel is them propelling you forward. Take it and go with it. You don't deserve it. It simply is. Make good choices. Do what's right. Every day, even the small stuff people don't notice. Steal if you have to, but always pay back and then some. Sometimes the ends DO justify the means, but when the means include deceit, theft, lies, mistruths or other shenanigans, they usually don't.

No, you did not ask to be born. Yes, you can kill yourself. BUT -- think of the other people who love you -- they didn't ask to be born either. Still, if you decide to go, then go. It's not good or bad. It just is. But what a shame.

You are a rubber band. How big you are and how strong are not your choice. You can be stretched to store potential energy and that energy can be released later. The energy can be used for good or evil, it's your choice. Oh, you could also just stay in the dark drawer with the other rubber bands. No energy, no potential, no moment of release, no thrill of effect. No difference. Again, maybe it's not a great choice, but it beats the heck out of becoming a terrorist.

You are constantly expanding to fill the voids around you, and the voids will never be full. But, when you expand too quickly, you can break like an anurism. Stretch carefully and in a controlled way until you reach a new limit and then stop and reflect. "Was this stretch for good or evil" ask yourself. Repeat. Question the limit.

Every single 'thing' in your life is a continuum. A range. Low to high, soft to loud, like that. You are plunked down more or less in the middle of the continua, it's your job to keep between the lines. There will be highs and lows. Be steady. But don't over react.

You are built to test limits, not to follow rules. You are a sports car. You are moving very fast. You need instruments you can trust to help you to navigate. Unfortunately there are none. You have to make them. Try judging your success ONLY by whether your actions result in good or bad outcomes. Feedback you get from so-called 'objective measures' of success in life (pay, position, praise, power) is often too contradictory to get a good read on where you are or how you're doing. You'll get much better feedback listening to your heart. Fly by feel. Know what's right. Stretch when you hit a boundry that doesn't feel right. Stop or slow down when it gets scary, not just when you 'see' an obstacle. Why? Because it is often either 1) your imperfect senses giving you messed-up messages, or 2) 'society' being really screwed up as usual (think Enron).

Rules. Don't get me started.

God gave you Gut. Use it. Gut, gut, gut.

Your eyes can deceive you.

Your ears can hear things you make up.

Wrote processing of thought by blindly applying 'rules' is extremely dangerous: like Auschwitz and the Reich. Don't force the literal. It's a sign of mental fatigue that can lead to subjugation.

You are the rubber band. You decide when to stretch and when to release. All the crap setup around you is not in your control, but your response to it is.

Oh yeah, all of the beauty, magic, and miracle you see around you are also out of your control, but you have to power to appreciate it and be thankful. Do it. It's never wrong. Even when it's a beautiful woman/man whom you'll never get, but would take in a heartbeat. It's okay to be attracted. It's not okay to be a letch.

Keep giving. If you don't have money, give a shit. It means more anyway, believe me. Open doors. Hug. Use terms of endearment. Tease lovingly. Talk to the cash register dude. Make eye contact. Share. Give. Remember. Pay attention. Give. Love.

Society, bad friends, drugs, bad rearing, and disease can blur your sense of what's right and what's wrong -- even before you know it to begin with. Once you get it, keep it and never waver. Remember, we all die. Better to die for what's right than to live another day having compromised what's right.

Knowing this, also realize that you will do wrong. Alot. Even on purpose sometimes. It all becomes part of the past. Learn from it. That's all you can do. Let it hurt when you err, but don't kill yourself over it. God made you. He wants you to be happy. You'll only be happy if you do right. You'll only do right if you take chances. You can't take chances when your dead.

No wrong you can do can condemn you. No good you can do can earn you redemption. Again, you were already going blindingly fast when you got here.

You can't know what comes after this life. Nobody can. Not a Priest, Judge, or President. But don't quit trying to figure it out -- the mind loves a puzzle.

Man plans, God laughs, but not because it's funny -- he just knows the final score and outcome. Ha ha.

Don't do evil even if it's "deserved" (whatever that means). Hitler was not an evil person -- but he did killed and maimed because he couldn't let go of the evil others had done to him. Plus he had crazies around him who also supported him and his messed-up priorities. I truly believe he was sorry just before he died. Remember: Revenge hurts the avenger, too. Alot. And it never works.

Try not to judge others. You have too much on your own plate. It's like driving off a cliff because you let go of the wheel to point at another driver's mistake. Let it go. Worry about you.

Getting drunk, acting stupid, gambling, looking at porn, smoking, and all those other vices do have their place. But really, they should be entertainment only. Don't get caught up or addicted.

You were born going 80 miles an hour down a crowded freeway. You neither chose nor have any idea where you're going at first -- nobody does. Honestly, neither did your mom and dad when they had you, probably. All those friendly faces can teach you to drive, but starting the instant you can reach the pedals and steering wheel, the ride's yours. Don't scream and cover your eyes. There's no time. Follow the rules, don't wreck. Change lanes, take exits, change direction. Site see. Pick a new destination.

My Baby's NINE!

No Toe Nail

Free the toes!

God Wrote "Office Space"

Hey Teken, how's it goin...yeah, so, did you get the memo about the new cover letter for the TPS reports? Yeah, well I'm gonna have to ask you to just go ahead and, ah,...

If you'd like to see a snapshot in my daily work life, just see the movie "Office Space". I am Peter. And I'm at the part of the movie where every day is my worst day. I haven't seen the occupational hypnotherapist yet.

My team leader uses a non-standard Red Swingline Stapler. Says it doesn't bind up like the Stanley Bostitch. I shit you not.

But is it really good to be a gangsta?

I'll get back to you...

Family Nuggets

1. My Uncle D.S. had a lover who left him a ton of money. He divorced my aunt (Mom's side) and left her with almost nothing.

2. My Uncle K.F. (Mom's side) was a grifter who died in his sleep from insulin and sleeping pills. He, his wife, and kids (gorgious, I just met them a couple of years ago) had to leave Colorado after just opening all of their Christmas gifts one year.

3. My Aunt C.B.'s husband's Mom shot her pregnant daughter and herself to death in the house across from our cottage (back in the 1950s I think).

4. I still have the most unbelievable crushes on my two cousins D.B. and J.B.. Shame shame shame!

Things I Learned in Green Bay

1. You can taste insincerity in a hospital, which is why hospital food sometimes tastes really bad
1. Bring extra underwear because you'll probably stay longer than you planned
2. Don't sniff your underwear on the third wearing -- trust me, it stinks
2. Eat something before you get there because although the meal you get when you arrive will be delicious, you will wait
2. Rock Star 16-ouncers don't count as food
2. My name is Bendillonmark
6. My nephews are named after me
3. Massively Multi-player Role-playing Games are really pretty cool
4. You can go to bed when the sun rises, too
Z. You can survive an almost unlimited number of falls off of a conversational change of subject cliff as long as you pay attention
5. TV wrestling is a vahgeen HOOOOT!!
8. 2 year olds have special laser eye beams that bore holes in your heart and fill them with love
6. Guacamole turns baby poop brown if left out for a couple of hours
7. Baby poop brown guacamole tastes good
5. Zen loves to ride in the back of a gray Mustang convertible going down the freeway at 90 miles an hour on a 100 degree afternoon
0. If you find yourself reclining with Zen in the aforementioned convertible, don't wear a hat or sunglasses, and don't open your mouth or you'll lose a filling
8. Earwigs are nasty
Q. You will always pack things you don't need, even if you don't pack
1. You will always forget to pack that thing you need, even if you hire a vacation planner
4. Neither "Q." nor "1." above have any bearing on the quality of your experience, so chill
7. The "shaving cream in the hand, tickle the nose" trick really does work quite well
04. Newer Bun coffee makers only start brewing after you close the water lid thingy
9. Being randomly weird with your sister and nephews is startlingly cathartic
?. If you back up down a street, people will point at you
3. Ridiculing people who just pointed at you is fun, but only if you're with people
10. Wisdom plays a wicked game of hide-and-seek, but you can end up rolling on the floor laughing if you play along

Family Rocks

Y'all should know that one's own family really rocks. Yup, there's no better way to regain the sense of what you're all about than to spend a few days with your blood.

Just take Baird to Hastings (just before the viaduct) and your head will swing back on straight.

Thank you, big Sis, for putting up with me. Ben and Dillon, I wish you both a lifetime of unharsh. Baby Abby -- don't get P.O.'d!

Toe Truck Teken

Vahgeen Azzle says: When moving a big, overstuffed lounge chair, it is a good idea to wear shoes. Why? Because it is possible to pull the big, heavy chair backwards over your foot, but not quite make it over the foot. Then the toenail on your big toe gets ripped nearly off and you will experience discomfort. When I say "discomfort", what I mean is eye-watering, can't-breathe, dog whistle scream, multiple-expletive PAIIIIIIINNNNN!!!! Oh, then there's the blood. Anyways, when moving heavy things, remember: shoes good, bare feet bad.

Teken: Vahgeen Azzle

So, I just spent the last three days and nights in Green Bay with Mom in intensive care. She was nearly dead. But some long hours, and a game or five of "inflated non-latex glove volleyball" later, she's getting better. Whew.

Anyway, so I get back to Wausau and go visit my kids, whom I missed and hugged furiously. Played together from about 6pm to about 9 or so. Later, I get a call from X asking where I am. "Home", I say, 'cause that's where I was. See, it seems that she didn't get home until around ten last night, so the kids were alone for about an hour. At 9 and 12 years old, they're home most days alone while X is at work.

But noooooooooo, after their hour alone I get a call from what sounds like a drunk, angry hornet. When I tried to reason with her and find out why she was swearing at me, I got a very concise answer: "Bucuzzz yer a Vahgeen Azzle!". Despite the slur and the abruptly ensuing hang-up, I got the translation.

Well there you have it. I bend over backwards to make our divorce as friendly and comfortable for the kids and her as possible. In fact, I'm going bankrupt doing it. She's living in a huge condo with cathedral ceilings and art prints while I'm -- well, not. But I'm a vahgeen azzle.

Super.

Son of a Ditch!

26 years driving in Wisconsin winters. 26 years of not really even a close call. But I ended up in the ditch last tuesday. Yup. The car upshifted at 35 mph, the back end of the hoopty slides right. The sphincter tightens. I cross the center line and slide into some farmer's field, facing the highway.

You know, I wonder why the road crew didn't salt or sand on a day when the temperatures were predicted to drop way below freezing. For days. I'm glad hurricanes don't happen here.

A nice family stopped to make sure all was well. Thanks guys! But I called 911 to get a trooper out there. The 12 year old cop arrived and asked me my wrecker preference. I said whatever gets here quick. We went back to our cars.

KNOCK KNOCK. Sphincter tightens again. It was the farm owner. I roll down my window and the man says "I wouldn't mind if you tried to drive out". Seeing the 60 degree angle I'd have to traverse, I shake my head. But he doesn't give up. "I'll push, just give 'er the gas!" Fine. Won't work, but this guy's nice.

After a couple of abortive attemtps, the car goes up and on the highway. WTF?!

All I can do is wave at the guy and yell "THANKS!!!". He gives me a wave and walks back to the barn.

I pull up behind the cop car, get out, and run up to his passenger window. "I got out", I say. The cop looks at me, cranks his neck around to look at the ditch, and looks at me. "Oh!" He apparently thought I was backup pulling up behind him (I have a Grand Marquis just like him). He never saw me get out. "I think we're all set", I say, and get back in my car and return home at 5 mph.

Crap! I know I got out and all, and I owe the farmer (Fleet Farm gift certificate on it's way), but I hated it. Never want to do it again. It sucks.

Get Out of My HEAD!

Did you know that people are getting in trouble for blogging about work? Fired, actually. Yup, corporate stooges learn that employees have blogs, and then they troll to see if they say anything even remotely related to the company. Huh. Wow. That's got to be scary... for those who actually blog about work... yeah.

So anyway, there's this... thing... I know, NOT FROM WORK, who has been getting in my head. Actually two... things...

These mythical things do stuff like copying a person of authority in on petty issues using what I like to call Imail (not at all talking about email here, you silly!). Anyways, these things actually think they're affecting the person of authority to think negatively of me, when, in reality the person of authority rolls his/her eyes and gets pissed. The things actually even conspire to tell the person-of-authority's person of authority (again, not at work at all) about these issues. Now, the upper person of authority is buying the crap. Not a shock, actually. So now it's a "smear Teken" cabal.

The point is that I've actually let the things into my head. It's toxic. It's not me. I know better. But I can't stand the things. They burn.

In closing, remember: people are actually getting fired for blogging about work. Just say no.

Hyper Teken

I knew today was going to be interesting when I awoke at 5am thinking "Hmmm... gotta do the wash, have coffee, make breakfast, go shopping, do more wash -- yeah, more wash -- think I need another hamper...". And on and on and on.

By about 11am I had most of the list accomplished and suddenly realized that this was not me. Well, of course it was -- and is -- me, but... well you know what I mean.

I had 97 cleaning her room, folding her clothes, helping with the chores. AND I actually did all the dishes. Plenty of cuddle time, too. By 1pm we went to pick up 94 (she had been babysitting), and we were both famished. We ate at mickey d's and went shopping. Spent the last part of the afternoon putting together 97's new dresser. Had slow cooker chicken stew for supper (yummy!).

Methinks 97's a little over tired right now, or perhaps PMSy -- oh wait, she's only 8. Sheeesh!

The movie Twitches was on tonight (secretly 97 and I watched it last night), and the girls gave it rave reviews. 94's comment was "Movies like that make you want to have powers.". Why? It's a Disney Channel movie about twins who never met each other and it turns out they're from a different dimension and have magic and like it's up to them to save the world from "The Darkness", and they like have SUPER magic if the hold hands, and they are totally in their own dramas but they learn how to make room for each other and they meet their mother who they thought was dead, but they had been drawing pictures of her and the evil guy and Coventry, and... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sorry, that was a moment of insanity brought to you by Daddy. "Daddy -- always trying to be in tune with my children." That's my motto. But I know that it's only a matter of precious months before I become the Lamest Person On Earth. For now, I'm satisfied with the pure glee the kids get when I buy them Ice Breakers Liquid Ice, or new Lemon Zest Colgate toothpaste. I love to bring them joy. Unfortunately, soon that will only be possible when I pay for everything and stay the heck away from them and their friends. I know because I was once their age. It's inevitable. "It's nature's way." It sucks.

On that note, good night.

River in Egypt

Da Nile (denial) ain't just a river in Egypt, I hear.

I've been so busy deep in my own shizzit I haven't updated for months. I've had several of my readers wondering why.

Well, the X developed a brain tumor and is still recovering. This put the kibash on her marriage, which means no extra income for moi, even though my monthly expenses have increased since my move to Wausau. I'm not dealing. No, not much at all.

Credit card is getting higher. Living pretty much hand to mouth on borrowed time -- and money.

Really pissed about how I'm being treated at work, so I'm seeking Wausau alternatives. That would be huge because I could then tap into my 401K to pay off the card. Plus I'd be working closer to home.

Good news? Plenty of it. Girls are great and healthy. I've spent a week at the new medical complex I helped (in an information systems way) bring together, and have made really positive contributions. Spending the day there tomorrow, too. Awesome stuff!

Am bowling on a league (don't laugh it's really fun), and am improving week to week. I think I may prefer bowling to golf. It's also cheaper.

Can't promise the frequency of future updates, because that seems to lead to long lapses.

I love you all, and hope you'll keep reading and posting.

-Teken

Did the Lake

OH! By the way, when we swam at Sunny Vale on Sunday, 94, 97, and I all crossed the lake and played on the other side. For three hours. We were very well sun screened though, so no burns! Wow, how great to float, relax, splash, and just play with the girls!

Post-o-riffic

• Way to go shuttle crew! Wish you well on the last space walk.
• Most of my coworkers suck festering wounds.
• Apple is selling a multi-button mouse. Wooo.
• A bunch of Americans were killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq today.
• Those Air France passengers all survived yesterday. Thank God.
• Sam's Club is offering a 1GB flash drive for real cheap. 'Bout time.
• I haven't seen a significant thunderstorm this year. CRAP!
• Brewers lost yesterday in an extra innings, bases loaded WALK.
  Keep on sucking, brew crew.

Never Posting Again

In order to get myself to post here more, I'm declaring that I'll never post again. Never, never, never!!

There, that should do it!

No Marriage = Me Bankrupt

Apparently the marriage of my X has been delayed. Have you ever felt plastic melt in your hands? I am in debt up to my nether regions. Was counting on the extra money (read spousal support) when I moved. Everything I buy, everything I owe, is now going on my credit card. My life is plastic. And it's melting... MELLLLLLLTIIIIIIING!!!

This is Teken on the brink. Life's way too short to worry alot about something as ridiculous as money, but I'm starting to sweat a bit.

X is doing well. The brain growth is shrinking now after the gamma knife. Thank God for the gamma knife. However, she's not getting married on August 5. I understand, but I am very worried. I moved to be closer to the girls and give them a place to live with me that was actually, well, livable. It costs me $275 more a month. It also means going from a walking commute, to a 40 minute car commute which costs me about $240 a month in gas.

I am fully moved, though.

Things at work have gotten interesting. Crack down on wireless internet usage. Crack down on how we log our hours. When I started at MC, my boss said, and I quote, "when I log my hours, I just basically guess. You can do the same.". Well, that's changed.

Kids are great. Today we went to "Sky High". Good movie. Very reminiscent of Harry Potter, but funny. I'd recommend it.

Later!

How 'bout a TEKEN Packers License Plate?

To the World: Cherry, you inspire me. Thanks alot. What a fucking burden. Again, thanks.

};)

Okay, so, for the most important question of the day: should I spend 40 bucks for a vanity Green Bay Packers license plate for the hoopty that reads TEKEN? Huh? Should I? Must I? Oh, I think so. But please, I so love your feedback.

The Teken proginy and I spent five hours swimming at Sunnyvale Park this afternoon. What a blast! Thank you, God, for: 1) Sunscreen, and 2) Banana Boat After Sun. Got my atomic-white skin so burnt last weekend that I needed both this weekend.

No word from X today. Thank you God.

I am way into country music this year. Never thought I'd be there. Never. My current favs are:

Rascal Flats "Fast Cars and Freedom"
"Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On"
"Keg in the Closet"
"That's What I Love About Sundays"
"Hick Town"
...song with lyrics including "you get a line, I'll get a pole, we'll go fishin' at the crawfish hole. Five card poker on Saturday night, church on Sunday mornin'."

Rascal Flatts lead singer sounds like a girl. Ask the fruit of my loins.

Teken Under Siege

Psycho Xs suck. When X dropped off the kids tonight she claimed she "needed to talk to me this weekend". Fuck. That was never good when we were married, and it's not good now. Thinking she had some bone to pick with me, I offered to walk her to her car. Turns out her new beau blew her off for dinner tonight.

For the love of God.

She just found out she has a brain tumor (benign and treatable without carving her skull). And this guy is choosing to bail tonight... FUCK!

She asked my opinion, and I kept it mellow. For every response I was greeted with some rant punctuated with the obligatory "F" explative. In my quiet neighborhood. Shouted at the top of X's lungs. Hi! Nice to meet you, neighbor!

True, he's being a jerk. True, I'd just as soon deck him as look at him after this stunt. Also true though that he might just need a little break from the cling. I just wish he'd exhibit better judgement when establishing boundries. Bad on you, dude.

NEwhoo, it's her problem. And his. (shit, and mine too if they don't marry)

Just glad the X's tumor is getting the gamma knife instead of surgery. Just wish she'd chill and realize that people need to feel a certain amount of freedom, and expect a certain amount of respect. Just wish new beaus could either stick their heads far enough up their ass to see through an open mouth, or just plain see the pain they cause their partner.

Okay, that last sentence is completely stupid, but you get the idea.

Seems so insignificant given what's going on in London and Cuba.

Yipes!

Really busy right now. More bullet points:

• X has a brain tumor, no, not kidding, it's benign, kids are a bit stressed but doing okay
• I'm moved (more or less)
• Love my new place
• Need advice, want to buy a domain, what do you think: machopoodle.com, threwupalittle.com, any other suggestions?

Hate making these posts so infrequent and sparse, but the sheezit is really hitting the fan right now. Could use all y'all's prayers. Please.

Yes, yes, I know...

Bad Machopoodle, BAD!!

You're catching me in the middle of moving. Keeping my job in Marshfield, but moving 40 minutes northeast to Wausau, Wisconsin. Renting a 3-bedroom townhouse to be closer to the kids. Really nice, the girls get their own rooms. Attached garage for my hooptie. Deck. Washer and dryer. 1.5 baths. Thank you God!

Unfortunately, I have to surrender my cats. Kids aren't happy, but they have two of their own to play with. No worries, 'cause they're going back to kitty city, which is a no-kill shelter, and they're bound to find new homes soon.

Preparations today and Friday, major move on Saturday. I'll have to the end of June to move the little stuff.

X will wed in August, which means a big jump in my income. I'm taking a bet, though, because if it falls apart, I'm financially screwed. Say a prayer for the happy couple if you have a minute.

Looked after all five kids (John's three and my two) at a dairy breakfast this last weekend. Yum. Heard later that John's kids thought 94 and 97 have a cool dad. (me brimming with pride).

Later! Hopefully not much later, though...

CHANGE!

Still here. Bullet points, more elaboration to come:

• X is getting remarried in August (more $, yay!)
• I'm moving to Wausau
• Kids are doing well
• Last day of school for Girls is 6/8
• Work is exciting
• Spent Labor Day weekend with family (races, Lambeau, Star Wars)

Much love.

Um... Hi...

Er, hello (hee heh). So, how are you (ahem).

Wow, it's been forever since I last posted. Well, things are going fairly swimmingly. And you don't have it so bad -- it's been that long since I cleaned my apartment, too! Ewwww!!

Post more later.

Daddy: Why?!

Picked up the girls today, and, brain-fart dad that I am, I forgot that tonight was the annual Spring Dance at the elementary school. So Val said "We're getting ready for the Dance!". I said "No, we're not going", and Val was all "buuuuut Daaaaaady (sniffle, snort) YOU PROOOOOOMISED!!! So, of course, I said "sure we'll go!"

It was fun. Playing at the school park before hand, then going in to dance, eat cheesy popcorn and pretzels. Doing the hoola-hoop and the limbo. Absolute magic.

Then we drove back to Marshfield and watched part of "A Series of Unfortunate Events". Now it's bed time. Good night.

Partners in Crime

It was Sunday, a day like any other. Except that it was Emma's second communion, we got to sit (and sing) with the Choir, and make trouble at work.

We went over to my building, which is exactly 1 minute and 57 second's walk from my modest apartment (according to Val's stop watch) and I did some lame work stuff. The girls -- that's right, THEY -- got the idea to pull a few pranks. I love them so!!

First, Joe's orange became his new pencil/pen holder. Bwa ha haaaa! Then we pulled Lisa's mouse cord out of the back of her PC.

Both pranks were emminently successful.

When the girls get married I won't be losing my daughters, but my partners in crime.

Hostage Web Site Apathy

Right. So I found out that web users trying to check out their appointments, going to the clinic web site could be redirected to a vagabond web site if they forgot to put a period between "my" and "(the name of our site)". I brought this to the attention of our support team, and they were all like "who cares". Well, shit, I do, since I discovered it.

The bogus website misleads users into thinking they're at our site. My suggestion was "let's buy the domain".

The response from the "support" team was"that users need to learn to type the right URL"! Not cool. This is an easy mistake for our customers to make. Then the "support" team gave me all sorts of hell over my suggestion.

I love every member of the "support" team dearly. Even now.

Turns out to be a known issue. I placed a bet with the team that this would result in us buying the domain.

I know I'm right... I hope.

Oh, BTW, Bo Bice will SOOO win Idol.

Droppin' PLATES

Tania, a coworker, left early yesterday, so I had to play a trick on her. Mandatory!

She had a stack of bright red plastic plates in her drawer. I spread them out over her desk, like a tea party. Even tacked one to her wall. Her roomy thought it would be good to put water in each plate, but I resisted. She didn't see them until today. I also spread her Carmex on the space bar of her keyboard. This is what computer geeks do. What can I say. Oh, I also opened her ubrella and put it on her desk.

Anywhooo, her reaction to the plates was awesome. She was like "Singing In The Rain". She tried to tell me that the Carmex ruined her keyboard. Nice try.

Today I put lip balm on Joe's planner. Let's wait to see what happens there...

Not about my life! Sort of...

Okay, a break from my autobiography.

It was Emma's first communion yesterday. I use the following word sparingly: She was precious. Hats off to X for dolling her up so well. And big Kudos to Emma for being so earnest and excited!

It was magical seeing her up their with the priest and all the other communicants.

Unfortunately, I was asked to bow-out of the after party, so I went straight home. But the time with the girls was awesome.

It was nice seeing Brian, Steve, and their wives again.

My Life, Part 3

I'm not gonna get too deep into the divorce thing, but I'll detail the marriage.

X and I were married in 1989. We had a great courtship. She converted me to Catholicism, which I still practice today, so for that I'm in her debt. I had tried all sorts of Christian religions, but this one seemed true.

We lived in a Wisconsin Rapids apartment for a while until she got called away to be a K-Mart manager in Burlington. I was still in college, beginning my year-long internship (no pay, so I had to work a full-time job) in Oshkosh. That year was hell; a foaming, seething, inferno of pain. I would visit our apartment in Burlington on weekends.

After that year was over, I got a nursing home adminitrator job in Port Washington, so I spent a year commuting through Milwaukee traffic until we moved to Port Washington. Ironically, she then got a job in south Milwaukee, so she did the commuting.

We had a vacation to California to see her parents, and, before I left, I responded to an offer of employment in Mineral Point, Wisconsin. When we got back, I was refreshed, and there was a message on the machine that the Mineral Point nursing home people wanted to talk to me.

Got the job and moved to Dodgeville, Wisconsin. The job was good. I got really involved in the community and helped found the "Point Forward" committee, which I chaired. This group got Mineral Point into the Main Street program as the first small community in the nation. I was also the president of the local Kiwanis Club. X and I had 94 at Dodgeville Hospital in 1994.

Later, my Dad phoned and wondered if I wanted his job at Peabody Manor in Appleton, Wisconsin. Hell yeah! Got the job and moved back to Appleton. Our apartment in Dodgeville burned down a month after we left.

To be continuted...

My Life Continued

Forgot to tell you that as a kid I was allergic to everything. Seriously: sunlight, mown grass, pets, chocolate, seafood. SEAFOOD! Convulsions, puking, the whole nine yards. I got shots twice a week to cure me. They worked! Oh, you know that test where they put a grid on your back and poke you with a needle containing allergens? Not when I was a kid. Instead of needles, I was cut for each allergen. I looked like a whipped slave when it was over.
Felt like one, too.

Anyway, after my shoplifting stage, I joined a local Drum and Bugle Corps. The Americanos. VIVA!! Spent money to tour the country sleeping on gym floors and marching in woolen uniforms in the hot, humid Wisconsin summers. Did it for four years. It was awesome!

Junior and senior high school were hell for me. Made most of my friends and girl friends in Drum Corps, so I caught alot of hell from peers in school for not belonging to any cliques.

I was asked to perform with two local symphony orchestras, though, and that led to an invitation to attend Lawrence University (in Appleton). Their conservatory is pretty renowned. I am a percussionist, and spent two years at Lawrence. It got way too political for me, though, so I quit. Sorry Mom and Dad, but I love music deeply in a personal way, so I couldn't do it just for the money. Who gives a crap what Bach and Beethoven did, and to hell with you if you think I'm going to do it that way.

So I went to a local two-year college and then to the University of Wisconsin, Eau Claire to earn my bachellor's degree in Health Care Administration. In total it took me 7 years to earn a bachellor's degree. Gulp.

I spent 13 years running nursing homes and got burnt out. OMG. Not a job you want, even at 70K plus a year.

I took a 50% pay cut to pursue my current career as a computer geek. The pay got better, but not by much. It ain't about the money -- trust me on this one.

I'll get into the whole marriage/divorce thing later.

EXCUUUUUUSE, MEEEEEEEE!

(thank you Steve Martin)

Why am I being so reflective lately? Don't know. Deal with it!

I'll get back to posting about the offspring soon. Hope I'm not boring you.

By the way, they're both completely addicted to this blog, and want to know who this "Cherry person" is. Take it as a compliment, Cherry!!

My Life

Right. A weighty title for this entry, but I'll give you a sketch.

I was born a poor black child.

Alright, not really. I was born in Appleton, Wisconsin very premature. I'm told my grandfather Erwin took one look at me and exclaimed I wouldn't make it. He always used to give me dollar bills as I grew up, much to my parent's disdain. "He needs to learn the value of a dollar" said my dad.

I apparently had a penchant for trouble as a toddler. I remember standing in the window of our Wisconsin Court house yelling at our cross-street neighbor (an elderly man) "is anybody home Mr. Watson says says says...". He must have dreaded going to work each day, waiting for the inevitable wailing.

Though I don't remember, I guess I tried crawling up my dresser and tipped the whole thing over onto myself. I also allegedly loved to crawl under my crib and hook my feet into the springs, thus suspending myself.

Many a toddler day was spent with me in our Carroll Street home in my Doctor Denton PJs, sitting cross-legged in front of a heating vent. There are pictures, but I don't have them right now.

I was a latch-key kid, and, with my older sister Michelle, we spent many evenings alone. Dad with his nursing home, Mom working at the hospital as an LPN.

My elementary school friend and I thought it funny to let the air out of the tires of a car parked near the school. Now, we used thumb tacks to hold the air valves open. No harm ever came to the tires. Turns out the car belonged to the cheif of police in Appleton. Crap. It's the only time my Dad ever hit me in the face (open handed and he felt terrible). What was I thinking?

I found shoplifting as a hobby, and got caught twice: Once at Prange's and once at the local Park 'n Market. Ooops.

Growing older, I spent alot of time with my female cousins in Door County, at our "cabin". We had a coupla acres of land, and my cousins and I used to spend hours playing "Star Trek". I would alternately rescue the girls from intrepid alien threats. Made phasers out of makeup compacts, and communicators too.

I befriended two Door County boys along the way. We got into trouble. They kept a Jeep in an storage shed, and one day we decided to check it out. There was a gallon of fuel in a jug in the front seat. Of course the shed was totally dark, so we used a lighter to check out the contents of the jug. WHOOOOOOSH!! Apparently fuel is not very appreciative of an open flame.

Me and my Door County friends got into other trouble, smashing headlights on old derilect tractors and the like.

Here's the weird part: These same two boys vandelized our house in Door County, breaking anything breakable, and flooding the house by putting rocks in the sinks and starting the faucets. Still don't know what they were thinking.

Enough for now.

My Dad

Listening to Enya, thought I'd blog about my Dad.

He was a strong, stubborn man. He loved to have fun with everything in life. I think that's where I got it.

He died in December, 2001. Lung cancer, CHF, who knows. He lived his life in defiance of norms. Had his own motorcycle club back in the 1970's. Big Mabel Murphy Motorcycle Club. We used to party with the Devil's Advocates. Pig roasts, drag races, the whole nine yards.

Mom was always at his side, supporting the charmingly devious Murph. He loved to drink and smoke. As youngsters, my sister and I would ride from Appleton to Door County to our second home with Mom and Dad chain-smoking. We used to beg them to open the windows so we could breathe. I had athsma as a kid, and the parents used to wonder why I had an attack after an hour breathing cigarette smoke!

Dad grew up in a retirement home run by his Dad, and later grew up to become a nursing home administrator. I followed in his footsteps. 13 years running nursing homes, and eventually taking over the one he ran for 30-plus years. Got written up in the paper and everything. It was very cool.

After spending years at that home, with coffee cup always in hand, Dad got to see me run the place for five and a half years. He was so proud.

Then his health worsened. Secretly I wonder if my divorce did him in. He went in for a routine test and never recovered. I remember his last gaze into my eyes in that hospital bed. He looked like he wanted to go home. I'm glad it was fast for him even though I spent my first career running places like that to which he probably would have eventually gone.

Dad, you're still in my dreams, and that's a good thing. I know your watching my life. Sometimes you must wonder what the hell I'm doing. So do I. But you see the really good side of my life too. Thank you for having me. You created me, and I've had the miracle of seeing my own two girls born and begin to mature. None of that would have happened without you.

I Love You.

Stupid Office Tricks... AGAIN

This is getting out of hand.

Joe screwed me up royally. Let me first say that Joe is a low-life scum-sucking junior analyst who seems to think he's better than me. He's right. In this ONE case. I hope he lives to suffer my wrath!!

So I'm in my office trying to work, and my computer freezes up. I can move my mouse freely, but none of my programs are responding. WTF!! So I implement the evil "finger of doom" (I turn the PC off forcibly). When it reboots, I get the same exact condition. Knowing this is impossible, I begin to think that the lack of Prozac is producing hallucinations; I get that tingly "it must be a dream" feeling until I realize that Joe has replaced my screen with a picture. Of course, a picture won't respond to mouse clicks, thus I think it's on the blink.

Okay, a good joke. Subtle yet effective. But nothing like what I have in store for him.

Later that day, when he was away, I turned up his phone ringer to "obnoxious", and called him. Annoyed everyone within a mile radius. No, that's not payback, it's just a reminder.

Bwaa Haa Haa!

Beat Beat Skip

I have an arythmia. My heart likes to do the "beat, beat, skip" routine. Saw my doctor yesterday, and she thinks it's the prozac. CRAP! I love the prozac. Alas, it's not meant to be.

So, we'll try celexa instead. I'll keep you posted.

Sunday the girls and I played at the zoo and park for the first time this year. What a blast! It's been a long winter here in Wisconsin, so getting outside was such a treat. We went back to my place and just vegged. The park was exhausting. Ms. Grizz (a black bear) and the prairie dogs and the lynxs and the ducks were in prime form. We got so thirsty, but the bubblers weren't on yet, so we had to stop by the Pick and Save to buy some water on the way home.

Hey, all you readers out there (both of you): COMMENT! PLEASE! Not that I really need you to. After all, what a pain, right? NOT!!

Little...Felt...GRAPES!!

On Saturday I volunteered at Emma's first communion retreat. I was really dreading it. The dread was monumentally misplaced. This was one of the most fulfilling experiences I've ever had. I could so totally be an elementary teacher!

So I pick up Emma at 8:30am. You read that right. For those of you who know me, that means leaving at 7:30am, which is simply a miracle. Why? Cause that means getting out of bed at 6:30am. I'm just getting good dreams at that hour.

Anyway, at 3:30am I wake up and drift briefly back into sleep. 6:30 is no prob.

I get there and deliver Emma to the choir room for practice at 9am. The volunteering doesn't begin until 9:30, so I go back out to my car and listen to music. And drink my orange juice. And amuzingly watch my pulse do "beat beat SKIP" in rhythm to Gwen Styphani. I'll post about that later.

After trying to find the right room to volunteer in, I happened across it. It was at the end of the cafeteria, by a small stage.

I then met another volunteer guy who looked remarkably like Tommy Thompson, and he thought I was in charge. Ha. I told him I was just as clue-less as he.

About 20 minutes later, there we were. My 4-person crew setting out burlap banners and felt decorations for our first class of about 19 7-year-olds. The first of six. The retreat was from 9:30 'till 3:00pm.

I took the role of instructor, quizzing and explaining to the communicants about the host with the cross in the middle, the chalace, the loaf of bread, and the grapes. Most of the kids were really in-tune with the whole symolism thing. They were mostly well-behaved, and wide-eyed. I have the whole "looking over the top of your glasses" thing down, so there was little disruption.

Here's the thing, though: There was so much prepared for these banners that the kids only needed to glue the felt to the banners. 90 kids times 10 felt grapes equals 900 felt grapes!! And 90 chalaces, etc.. Why can't the kids cut out they're own friggin' felt?! After all, we had 45 minutes with each class, most of which was spent not doing the activity! Grrrrr...

Ours was one of many classes including Cross-making, Bread-making, Heart-making, and others I've already forgotten. It was magic.

Ate lunch with Emma, and really bonded with her. I wish this could happen once a year.

Stupid Office Tricks Redux

Whew. I think I'm back. Cherry, thanks for the desire to see pictures! You can see them in my last post.

Okay, so I got back to work on Monday, and I just wanted to plant myself in the chair and catch up on my 300 or so emails. I go to get my water and a coworker says "Oh, back from celebrating your 50th birthday?!" I say "No, just a vacation." And I wonder what she's been smoking. Then I loiter around with various people, then finally get to MY OFFICE! MY OFFICE! Have you ever felt totally busted? I mean brought to rights. What I'm asking is, have you ever had a totally effective and somewhat elaborate practical joke played on you?

I did. My office door was covered with 50th birthday tissue and black balloons, along with streamers that read "Oh no, the big "50" five-oh". My office proper was bedecked with a shit load of the same. Nice.

Let me pause here and disclaim that I was born in 1964. Do the freakin' math.

Reading my emails, I see one from a coworker with a subject of "Happy Birthday!". Bastard.

I've had about 100 coworkers stop me in the hall or come in to my office to lament that I don't LOOK 50. When I explain to them that I'm not, they ask "then WHY the decor?". Because my vacation happened to fall over April Fool's Day. Oh. Hah hah hah hah hah.

Real freakin funny.

I got him back somewhat by circulating a picture of the Holy Father with his face on it with a bold caption underneath.

Tee Shirts seem appropriate.

Later.

Dry Spell

Sorry for the lack of posts. I've been extremely busy at work, and when I get home all I feel like doing is having a drink, watching the boob tube, and passing out.

Pictures!!

Cats

Vacation

I love you all. Gotta go.

I'm Baaack...

The week with the girls was awesome! I'm back, but only barely. I'll be uploading some pictures as soon as I recuperate 8-}

Slept (on and off) til noon today. How wonderful.

Holy Father, I love you and pray for you.

Wicked Twisted Priorities

Great. They're killing Terri, but a gator guy went on CNN this morning to reassure everyone that the gator caught yesterday will be fine. I'll bet they'll feed the gator, too.

I hope judge Greer lives to regret murdering Terri.

Snuggling with Brett Favre...(!)

Next week is spring break for the kids, so we're gonna spend the week in Green Bay visiting Mom and Sis. Mom bought a night at the Tundra Lodge for us, and I may buy another. Tundra is a huge new waterpark/hotel. Maximum fun, total bliss factory!

Other than that, we'll prolly play and eat at Lambeau Field, and goof off at the mall. It will be a GREAT week.

Brett and Howdy are getting along very well. Howdy tolerates frequent "attacks" by Brett, always taking the submissive role. Can't figure that cat out -- he's three time's Brett's weight, but such a softy.

I find I have to close my door around 3am, though, because that's when Brett gets active.

This morning I started my coffee and snuck back to bed, at which point Brett had a major snuggle attack and had to curl up on my chest with his little nose about a millimeter from mine. I have dog breath in the morning, I'm surprised it didn't knock him out!

HAH!

Did you hear the U.N.'s latest brilliant idea? Did you?! Now they want to tax the U.S. use of the internet to fund access to the third world. I''m not kidding.

Perfect! Let's ruin electronic commerce so that Somali's can surf porn on the net. And what better vessel than the U.N., that most venerable, unbesmerched All-Being that brought us the oil for food scandal! Sign me the frick up for that!!

Under My Skin

Brett (my new cat) is a real charmer. Definitely a lap cat and a cuddler. I love him to death, but MAN are his claws sharp!

He's a doctor too, apparently, because he ordered and performed a blood test on my left arm at 5am today. He was all cuddled in, and I turned over to zap the snooze, and "POKE", in went one of his weapons into my arm. I had to physically remove the claw.

There's that pain/pleasure connection again, I guess!

Howdy (my other cat) is doing better. They were both actually on my bed at the same time last night.

The girls are understandably in love with Brett, too. It's so nice to see them happy and excited.

Attitude

Got a new kitty today. Name's Brett. Only 8 month's old. My other cat, Howdy, is 2 years old. Both males... so who do you think is dominating so far? That would be Brett.

He's all black, including his whiskers and nose. He was abandoned by his former owner on the coldest winter day in Wisconsin. Owner's gonna go to court. Hope they never let her have another animal!

We went to Walmart and spent a small fortune on toys. It was worth it. What a cute and beautiful creature!

The kids are thrilled.

Howdy, however, is not. He adjusted well to Minerva, but has been growling and hissing at Brett. And Brett has been taunting Howdy, the older brother.

Will be interesting to see how this works out... I'll keep you posted.

Angry Propellers

...Oh, I mean: Mad Props!

Some people who have excellent taste and morals have shown some appreciation for my stance on blog-blights like the one who attaked a friend of mine. Please know that I love you all, and that there are ways to really fuck up people who post hate on blogs. See Dooce for a great example.

I told the girls about Minerva today. 97, bless her heart and soul, cried. 94 was unphased, but concerned. Seeing her little sister in pain, 94 painted a picture in snow with her finger on the trunk of my Merc, of Minerva in Heaven as an "Astronaut Kitty" climbing the universe's biggest scratching post and looking down with peace on us. "She'll never feel any more pain, Emma!", she exclaimed. Dear Jesus, what have I done to deserve these moments of true love? Nothing. But I am so thankful.

We got 7,949 FEET of snow today, so the trip to Wausau to pick up the kids was a real treat. When I say "treat", I mean "root canal".

Please keep reading. I've got a whole brain full of this stuff.

Promise, Not Threat

Girls (yes, you, 94 and 97!), you're room is a mess. I'm not cleaning it. I'll help with whatever you want, but I'm not going to do it for you.

If it doesn't get done this weekend I will begin describing the exact content of the mess here on Macho Poodle. Oh yes I will.

Much love,
-Dad

So far all my first round picks in NCAA basketball won! Hope the streak continues.

This weekend, the girls and I will go kitty shopping. That is, unless we get the 30 feet of snow they're predicting, in which case we'll cruise the net together at the various shelters. I have my heart set on a black male kitty. His name will be Brett. He will be my squishy.

Two words for you: Prozac rules.

Ordered NFS Underground from eBay yesterday. $10 including shipping. I've got the demo version and it rules. Can't wait to get it.

I can't watch Alias anymore. It's too stupid. Sorry Jennifer, but your breasts just aren't worth it. Must be the Prozac.

Breaking news: Men are different from Women! Know why? It's the Y chromosome.

I need wine.

Bring it

Sorry to preach to you all, but this is a sad day.

A blog has died today because of some wrech. Of course I won't mention the blog's owner because we're all just one step from making the horrifying decision to remove our blogs.

Horrifying? You fucking bet! What a loss. Whomever you are, you should be locked up. This is as much an assault as hitting someone from behind with a sucker punch. You're an insecure, over-compensating, pox on humanity.

Should ANYONE decide to invade my life in this way, I will use my superpowers as an influential information systems geek to ruin you. I will spare no money or time.

Be warned.

Stupid Office Tricks

What compells certain individuals to CUT THEIR FINGERNAILS at work?! With their office doors open! Maybe I'm just weird that way, but what other personal hygiene do you perform in your office with the door open? Hmmm... none I can think of.

-Snip-

-SNIP-

- S N I P -

I mean, do they pee in a corner? Where does the nail shrapnel land? Hell, why not do the tonails while you're at it! Then you can give yourself a sponge bath and brush your teeth in there; we'd all love to be subjected to that!!

Bo Bice will win American Idol.

Illinois will win the NCAA basketball championship.

Gunslingers

Brett Favre will be back for at least another season! Woooooooooooot!
This weather is pissing me off. 3 inches of snow Monday, and another inch or so today. I am so sick of clearing snow off my car and doing the penguin walk I could just poop. I've got one word for you:

SPRING

What is it with shooting judges lately? Sheeesh, that's really poor aim; they're missing the lawyers.

Memorial

Tonight I said farewell to a best friend. She was a confidant, a teacher, and an inspiration. Her contributions to my life were immeasurable. My love of her transcends our time together. The world has lost a wonderful creation, but God has gained a gentle, selfless soul.

I'll never forget you climbing up and rubbing my chin. I'll always remember how, even though you were 7 years old, you acted like a kitten. The quiet magic you exuded touched me in a dead place in my heart. I can't wait to see you again, if I am so blessed, in heaven.

I will always love you Minerva.

Painted Daddy

Girls. Makeup. Man. A deadly combination.

I was gang-painted by my children tonight. My God it's aweful. Of course, because it's aweful the girls love it.

I just sat there taking it.

I'm either the world's biggest wimp, or a Saint. Only God knows.

(wimper)

Less of Me

Saw the doc today. Lost 14 pounds in 5 weeks. She was impressed. I was relieved.

BP still too high, adding another med. Great. Could swell my legs up and make me not poop. Super.

Just in case you want to follow along, here's my diet:

BREAKFAST - Fruit and Oatmeal
LUNCH - Maybe some more fruit and oatmeal, maybe a Subway 6-inch sub
SUPPER - Grilled chicken breast and veggies, adult beverage(s)

Pretty disciplined, I know, but this is my losing weight phase, I can afford more calories once I'm at my goal.

MY EYEEEES!!!

For the last four months I've been trying to grow my hair out. Saturday morning I got fed up with the hassle, so I shaved it down to 3/8ths of an inch. Nirvana. I have attained the 7th shakra of follicular enlightenment. Wow. Yeah.

However, we had just gotten done watching Spongebob the Movie, so the girls kept reinacting a scene from the movie where the king takes off his crown and those around him start writhing in pain from the great glare of his baldness. "BALD, BALD!!!! OH MY EYEEEEEEEES!!!", and the like. They can be so cute... I think.

Sunday afternoon it was 45 degrees out and sunny, so the girls and I took a walk. What's that? It involves going outside and ambulating by foot for about 20 minutes. 45 sunny degrees felt like the middle of summer! And the walk, in addition to being healthy, was invigorating. Did you know that there are other buildings in Marshfield besides my apartment and my office building? It's true. They're all over the freaking place!!

Mr. Healthy here has been pretty good with his diet. Okay, can't stand third person. Anyway, I've been eating more veggies and fruits (cucumbers and clementines are my current favs), and very little red meat or fatty stuff. I'm already starting to see results. Wow, I think I may actually have a jaw. And my energy level is a bit better.